A Special Gift

Have you stressed over what to buy someone? Buying gifts or giving gifts,  can be especially challenging if you have someone in your life that is "hard to buy for." Gifts are so fun for children to open, I will admit, I loved watching the kids open their gifts on Christmas morning. Have you ever received a gift that really wasn't something you wanted? I think the adage "it's better to give than to receive" is frequently heard throughout the holidays. Due to the hustle and bustle of this time of year, it is easy to forget how rewarding simple gestures of kindness and giving can be.

Yesterday I received an incredibly thoughtful and unexpected gift from someone. I was at a loss for words (which is a little unusual for me at times), and I even cried. Have you ever received something so special that you are just a little overcome with emotion? This gift was so kind...I just couldn't believe it--so here's a little bit of the story.

Thursday afternoon I received a Facebook message from a friend saying, "Hi! So, I bought you a present because I really like what you're doing with your blog..."

Insert my "I'm incredibly shocked face" and some major tears.

"I went ahead and registered www.walkingwithmemphis.com for you for the next two years. That way, you can close the .blogspot and give your exceptional blog a more professional look."

Insert more tears, my hand covering my mouth, and the words "is this real life?" and "oh my word--exceptional blog?"

Indeed, this is real life. I'm very proud to say that now, dear readers, you'll be able to find this blog with a dot com address---a new URL just for this blog will be up at www.walkingwithmemphis.com

"This is just a gift."

This is so much more than a gift. You see, starting this blog has been a dream or at least a lingering thought for some time now. I've had a few ideas of wanting to write about various experiences like going back to school to finish my bachelor's degree after 9 years off, going to grad school immediately after finishing that bachelor's degree, but this blog about Memphis and life with my Veteran has been on my heart and mind.

So, without much thinking, planning, or research, I started using Blogger and the rest you know as "history" or you know by reading these posts...

I now have the opportunity to share this blog with so many...and I am so excited! I have a lot of ideas, I have a lot of ideas for posts tucked away, I'm working on a logo, I'm hoping to get guest bloggers, interviews, and even some videos and other websites to post that will provide information to Veterans, spouses, family members, and those who are interested in service dogs and Veterans. These big dreams will be a reality---and I still can't believe it.

I'm so thankful for this amazing gift--it means more to me than the gift giver knows. I hope that you'll continue on this journey with me because I believe that big things are going to happen! This URL/domain helps me continue this journey and I count that as a blessing, as well as a gift I will never forget.

What does this mean for this site where you can read these posts? Well, it is going to be merged to the new URL. So, because of the holiday (Happy New Year, btw), and looking to get some tech help for this, it may be a few days before a post is made. Once the new site is up and running, I'll announce on social media, and of course, continue to share links to the blog posts.

Talk about blessed---we have such wonderful gifts in our life: Memphis, our kids, our family, our friends...health, a roof over our heads, so many to list...these are all so special, and now we can add this one to our list as well.

This is such an exciting time! So, to close, I'd like to thank this wonderful person.

Dear gift giver,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I promise that the content comes from my heart, and the stories, emotions, they are real. Sometimes the content comes with tears because it is a tough memory or subject, but I want to share our story. This opportunity to share our story may help someone else, it may open a door for someone. Your kindness is just awesome. With your help and guidance, I think that this blog can really make a difference. Thank you for believing in me and thank you ever so much for this most special gift.

With sincerest thanks,
Cathrine (and Sam, and Memphis)

Excited faces! This is how I kept smiling yesterday after getting good news that I'll have a domain for this blog. This photo is actually from our airport reunion after my trip to Denver...where I got wings from our awesome flight attendant on Southwest.

Five Things to Know about a Veteran/Service Dog Team

I thought I would try something new for this post...I am going to ask Sam if he can give a list or a variety of five things he would like people to know about Veterans or Service Dogs.

Me: "Okay Sam, I'm going to ask you a few things for the blog readers."

Sam: "Pretty much Memphis is awesome?"

Seriously...here we go (these are the real responses from Sam).

1. Veterans are non-traditional adults. They had to be an adult first in some ways more than an adult (does this make sense). Unlike most teens or young people, Veterans had to adapt to an adult lifestyle very quickly and at a young age. In some cases, Veterans have taken more responsibility than adults at a young age.

2.  There is more to a Veteran than the uniform. For example, I put together an art show that allowed people to see that Veterans can be artistic and show/express a creative side, one that may show what their war expereinces. Veterans are more than "things they carry," we carry more than an image--fathers, wives, electricians, teachers--once the uniform goes on those seem to disappear. Veterans are unique and have a lot of various hobbies and expereinces.

3.  Just because a Veteran has a service dog it does not make them any less of a person. Service dogs are a tool, a way to help Veterans adapt to a new lifestyle that they lost, brainwashed out of--like brainwashed through PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), TBI (traumatic brain injury), or even what the military imposes on men and women.

4.  Sometimes people don't realize that dogs need days off. Like today, Memphis stayed home with "mom" to do some DIY projects. People at work asked where he was...I guarantee people at work don't ask where I am when I'm off, or not there. Memphis works hard through the week, and I can tell if he's sort of had it, or if he just needs a break. Maybe he just wants to lay on the couch, ya know.

5.  One of my favorite things to do with Memphis is walk at work. So, at the VA we have a track/walking path, and he gets to walk on lunch with me. I love it when he runs off, then he comes back and tries to juke me, then he will nudge my right leg. It is like our little fun time, and I love that he runs full speed and slows up a little when he gets to me.  It is our time to talk, to relax. We talk about work or what we will do when we get home. I like that he has a good personality.

*There you have it. Five things Sam would like you to know about what it is like being a Veteran with a service dog. I had fun talking with him, and I hope we can do another "five things" again sometime soon.

We are so blessed. I love hearing Sam talk about his days with Memphis--what they did at work, their drive to work and home. Seeing them interact is a joy--they light up my life.

Determined.

The word determined can be defined as having a strong feeling that you are going to do something and you will not allow anyone or anything to stop you; no difficulties will stand in your way.

Sam is determined to finish strong this semester in grad school.

This week we have been determined to get our work done and survive. Grad school can be challenging. I spent many nights working on papers, researching, reading, add into that mix grading papers, and also being with my family. I thought I would never graduate. I had the best cheerleader in Sam...encouraging me, reading my work, talking me out of quitting or giving up...he was determined to help me succeed and finish strong.

Sam has been working every night this week on his paper and studying for his class. This is a big deal. Normally we are in bed by 9:30, 10:00 every night...but Sam's bed time has been a lot later due to studying and working on his final.

Why am I making such a big deal about grad school, studying, and determination?

Imagine having a TBI  (traumatic brain injury) that has caused you to have little to no short-term memory. Think about how often you would have to make notes for yourself, put reminders in your phone, set alarms, ask your significant other to remind you to do something. Imagine trying to read 25+ pages for a class, and then having what you read sort of disappear or come back to you in bits and pieces. With little to no short term memory, studying can be a challenge.

Sam makes notes, he highlights sections in textbooks, and then sometimes he types the notes up to review them...anything to remember or make studying easier.

I have watched him grow into a very determined person in two years. When I first met Sam he was outgoing, but yet I could tell there were times that he may have felt like giving up. He wasn't a fan of working 40 hours a week and taking classes for his Master's in between. He wasn't a fan of going into the office to study for finals, a test, or working on a paper. But, he was determined to finish that degree. I admire him for his work ethic and for his determination to succeed despite having some setbacks.

Sam's undergrad was interrupted a few times by deployment orders. He would start a semester, get orders, and have to leave. When he would come back, he tried to get back into the swing of school. Imagine how challenging that could be--moving from one community to the other---the military community always looming, but yet needing to fit into the college community and less structured environment of a college campus.

A semester would begin, and deployment orders would come again.

Three times he was shifted between two worlds.

When we talked about Sam applying for a service dog through This Able Veteran, he was determined to work on processing his trauma and getting a hold on PTSD. When he entered the three week trauma resiliency program, he was determined. He has worked hard to accomplish so much after three deployments and being medevac'd out of Afghanistan. He graduated with his bachelor's degree, he works in Behavior Health at the VA, and he is working on completing his Master's degree.

He's one of the most determined people I know. I know that he can do anything he puts his mind to, with the love and support from his family, and of course, sweet Memphis.

No Photography, Please.

Saturday was a "unicorn" day for sure. I mean everyone (at least it seemed everyone) we encountered in St. Charles watched, stared, pointed, talked "baby talk," followed, and even tried to take pictures of Memphis...

I wrote a post earlier about feeling as if people are staring holes through you, you know, really staring and watching you? We felt that on Saturday.

Sam and I made a mini-road trip to St. Charles on Saturday. We hoped to catch some of the Christmas spirit with the parade, carolers, festive decorations, and of course, shops. My Christmas spirit quickly dwindled as we walked around the streets, in and out of stores, and eventually to a spot for the parade.

I think my first indication of how it was going to be a unicorn day was when I heard four women baby talk Memphis.

"Baaaaaaaaabbbbbbeeeeee doggggggiiiiiieeee."
"Pwretty wittle puppy wuppyyyyy."
"Baaaabeee dog!"
"Pwecious dog! A service dogggggggg."

Stop that.

Don't "baby talk" to service dogs, please.

Did I say that out loud?  No. Did I say it in my head? You bet.

A few people would say "DOG!" very loudly as we walked down the streets. And when we saw people with their pets, no one shouted out "DOG!" to them. Odd.

We went in a few stores and people asked to pet Memphis...this was such a high stimulus area that Sam said, "no, I'm sorry he's working right now." We got a few scowls.

One woman even gave us "the look." You know, like, "what on earth are you doing with a dog in here?" And then finally I realized she was watching us about to say, "no dogs," and I said, "he's a service dog" (with a smile) and she went away.

The icing on the cake was when Sam went into a dog treat/toy store. This shop was so neat, and so crowded on our first stop by that we were in and out (plus that's where the women went goo-goo gaa-gaa over Memphis). He asked if I would sit across the street while he ran in real quick.

So, this is something that happens from time to time...if we are out together and Sam goes to the restroom, Memphis gets to sit with me, if Sam has to run out to the car, Memphis stays with me. This was no different. I had Memphis by me, he was sitting (being a very good boy), and a woman walked up to us and attempted to take his picture...

We both had our eyes fixed on the store, waiting for Sam, and then when I looked away from the store, this woman was standing almost right in front of us with her phone directly in front of Memphis.

Me: "I'm sorry, are you attempting to take a photo of my husband's service dog?" (With a very confused look)

Woman: "YES! I AM!" (What the???)

Me: "I would appreciate it if you didn't, I mean, I wouldn't just stop in front of you and take a picture, let alone take it without asking you."

Woman: "Well this dog looks JUST LIKE MY SISTER'S DOG! I mean, IDENTICAL! But my sister's dog is a hoss, so much bigger and fatter! I can't get over how little this lab is!"

Me: "Then your sister's dog looks nothing like this service dog. Maybe your sister does have a lab, but this particular dog you are wanting to take a picture of is not like your sister's. This is a working service dog for my husband who will be back any minute."

**Side note: I swear it took Sam an hour to get in and out of this store...but really it was like 10 minutes. The longest 10 minutes of my life.**

Woman: "Oh a service dog! Well, what's wrong with him?"

Me: (Assuming she means the dog and not Sam since he's not around) "Absolutely nothing is wrong with this dog. He's highly trained for my husband, and we are just out and about visiting the area trying to enjoy our day."

At this point she put her phone away. I was so caught off guard by this because to my knowledge, no one has ever tried to photograph Memphis. Maybe they have and we didn't know it, but I'd never encountered anyone who just held their phone out and made it very obvious they were trying to take his picture.

My eyes were opened to how difficult it can be for Sam to navigate daily life with Memphis. I know he felt uncomfortable at times and as if all eyes were on him, but I was so proud of him for focusing on Memphis, doing breathing exercises, and the looks that he would give Memphis and vice versa... and well...all that crap seemed to go away.

And in my head I was repeating these phrases Saturday:
"Not today Satan."
"Not today annoying people."
"Not today people who are staring."
"Not today people who act like they haven't seen a dog, ever."

Sam and I had a saying before he got Memphis.  If we were going to be in a situation that may have been difficult, we would try it. We'd often say: "Let's try it, and if it doesn't work out, then we try again another time." This went for parades, concerts, games, events where there would be a lot of people and perhaps cause high anxiety...and I remembered that on Saturday.

Pre-Memphis visit to holiday St. Charles would have been bad. There were a lot of people in close quarters. I'm not sure that it would have been enjoyable for Sam. I think his anxiety would have been through the roof, and he probably would have tried to keep a coin in his hands. I think if people got too close he would have been ready to leave a store, or go sit and wait for me while I went to shop. There probably would have been a lot of pacing, maybe even talk of going straight home.

On Saturday I saw Memphis and Sam working together as a team. I saw them strengthen their bond. I even got teary eyed---(fyi, I'm a sap, a cryer, I can tear up at the drop of a hat) because Saturday was a struggle, but never once did Sam appear flustered. Sure, he was annoyed with comments, but we can tune those out. I know he wasn't thrilled about some of the crowds, but he said it best, "it is okay--we made it--we are a team."

Indeed we are. We are family. We take care of one another. My Grinch heart started to grow again, after feeling defeated and thinking this was a bad idea for a road trip...and sometimes you just have to say, "no photography, please" and go about your day.

We loaded up and headed out for a day in the city...Memphis is either photo bombing us, or posing for our road trip photo. 

Can I Pet Your Dog?

When I started noticing people would say things about Sam, Memphis, or service dogs, I started keeping track of those things---now, I realize that may seem super weird or odd, but honestly, some of the phrases, questions, and comments were unbelievable. I mean, if we thought about them later, we would laugh because we couldn't believe what some people would say...out loud...

A question that a lot of people ask is "can I pet your dog?" This is a tough one. While it may seem harmless, there have been people who flat out get mad when Sam says, "no, I'm sorry he's working."

Yep. You read that correctly--people get mad when Sam says no.

And I'm sorry, but he has every right to say no.

Service dogs are working dogs. When Memphis is in "uniform," or in his vest, he is working. There are some situations where he needs to be completely focused on Sam and Sam needs to be completely focused on him. Just like kids can sometimes be distracted, Memphis can get distracted too.

It is so hard to say "no" sometimes...but, to be honest, that is Sam's call as the owner/handler. Cute little kids who just want to say hi to a doggy, people who are in awe that Sam has a dog in public, total strangers, people we know, friends, family, and yes, even our kids...sometimes they all get a "no, he's working." Or, even a "no, not right now."

But even that response (which is always meant in a kind, polite way) makes people mad.

This is a situation that always makes me feel uncomfortable and a little confused for a few reasons, one of them being that I can't figure out why someone would be mad that they can't pet a working dog...

Here's how we started to think of this situation (when we are asked)...

If you saw a disabled person in a wheelchair, would you walk up to them and ask if they could get up so you could have a ride in their wheelchair? I don't think so.

If you saw someone walking with a cane or walker, would you try to take it from them so you could just see what it was like to use a cane or walker? I certainly hope not.

Just like those tools are for those folks who need them, Memphis is that tool for Sam. While I hate to say that (by comparing Memphis to a wheelchair, cane, or walker), Sam needs Memphis like someone who needs a wheelchair.  And even if it seems silly to think of it in that way, it is sort of true.

What some people don't understand is that while Veterans may seem fine in appearance (having their limbs, no visible injuries or scars from war) is that they may not have visible wounds...they may have invisible wounds.

I know what you're thinking...did she just say that some Veterans have "invisible wounds?"

Yes I did.

Invisible wounds are ones that we cannot see---like PTSD, TBI, or moral injury. Those are very real wounds of war. They exist, and they can be hidden deep down in a Veteran.

Am I saying all Veterans suffer from invisible wounds? No.

However, there are Veterans who suffer from PTSD, TBI, and moral injury. And while those injuries may not be visible to the eye, they are real. I heard a man say that for a Veteran who may suffer from TBI that it is like "adult shaken baby syndrome." I nearly lost it. How could someone say that? Were they hit by IED's? Did their truck blow up? TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) can happen when a bump, blow, jolt, or other head injury causes damage to the brain. How do I know this? Sam has TBI as the result of IED (Improvised Explosive Device) blasts from three combat tours.

There are times when we are out in public and Sam has to focus on Memphis as if he is the only thing in a room. At times, Memphis acts as if Sam is the only human around. When there are a lot of people around, random hands will be going toward Memphis...and that is a hard one...to stop someone in the process of trying to pet Memphis when he is working.

I realize some of you who read this may think, "wow, they don't want us to touch or see Memphis." Or, some of you may wonder, "do they ever let anyone touch him?" I'll say this---it is always Sam's call. If you see us out, and you want to say hello, please ask to pet Memphis. If you see anyone with a service dog, and you are curious, just say hello, and always ask if it is okay to pet the dog.

Some service dogs have a patch on their vest that reads "Working Dog DO NOT PET." That's not a slam to people who love dogs. That isn't a mean thing to put on a vest. That is the owner/handler's choice. I also know that it is so tempting to see a service dog and want to pet them. Just remember, they are working, and they should not be distracted.

There's a meme that has circulated and every time I see it, I laugh...so I will share it with you all.

 This is true! Service dogs have been trained for a very long time, and have been specifically for a Veteran. While it is soooo tempting to just reach down and pet a service dog if you see one, consider asking first. If you ask and are told no, please don't be upset, but know you could ask again at another time. 

We are so grateful for all of our friends and family who love Memphis! Believe it or not, your understanding of how important his work is makes our transition with him in our home and lives easier. Thank you for understanding (and thank you for loving him)!

Is That A Service Dog?

Believe it or not, "is that a service dog?" is a question that is often asked when Sam is out with Memphis. Sometimes we hear it when we are at a place like Walmart, or sometimes Sam hears it as he's out and about for work. There have even been people at work ask him that very question.

What frustrates me is the fact that people try to pass off their pets as a service dog. There, I said it. I have seen people at sporting events with a small, tiny dog (think Chihuahua) and they've said "this is my service dog."

I'm sorry, what?

I'm not sure how that dog can provide a service? Can that dog help its owner if she's off balance from vertigo or about to fall? Can that dog alert her (and barking doesn't count, as this dog was doing, repeatedly)...

We've had expereinces where Sam has been questioned about Memphis being a "legit" service dog. This does not sit well with me as I tend to get into "Mama Bear" mode.

One example of this was at a SIU Football game. We decided to take the family out for a game, our first game of their season and as we were about to walk in with our tickets it happened.

A young girl (maybe college student) who was scanning tickets in another line walks over to the line we are in and tells that student worker "you need to ask that man for his papers on that dog. We need to see if that is a real dog."

I'm sorry. A real dog?

Almost at the same time Sam and I both said (politely) "you can't ask that by law."

And we got an eye roll and stare back. No "I'm sorry, I didn't know." No "oh, okay, my mistake." An eye roll. And then "well we need to make sure."

I couldn't help it. It just came out. "NO, you don't need to make sure, you need to quit asking."

According to the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), businesses may ask "Is this a Service Dog?" and "What tasks does the Service Animal perform?"

I don't see anything about a real dog or papers on that card...

(Sam and I both have a card that gives information from the ADA on service animals)

It is hard to keep my cool at times---I will be honest. I don't want someone questioning my husband in an accusatory tone, or telling him he can't have a service dog, or that he needs to show proof that the dog is real (of course the dog is real, hello! We didn't dress him up!).

Businesses may not:
1. Require special identification for the animal (this means you Fat Patties and Tequilas in Murdale).
2. Ask about the person's disability (this means people should not say, "what's wrong with you?")
3. Charge additional fees because of the animal (still can't figure out why American Airlines asked how much Memphis weighed when Sam was ready to pay for his checked bag).
4. Refuse admittance, isolate, segregate, or treat this person less favorably than other patrons (thanks for seating us out in no man's land various restaurants).

I know that some people aren't aware of what service dogs actually do, or why people need them. But, there are differences between wanting to take your pet places and passing it off as a service dog. That I have a problem with. I do know that some people may need an emotional support animal, or a therapy dog (and those dogs--emotional support & therapy do not get all access like service dogs) ...but not all dogs can be service dogs.

Equal access is a big deal for us, especially now that Memphis is in our family. Memphis is specifically trained to do work or perform tasks (like alerting) for the benefit of Sam--meaning yes, he works to help Sam with his PTSD. These tasks are directly related to Sam, and it means that Memphis can assist him, despite people asking for papers or identification.

And guess what...Memphis has identification! He has an ID card that is attached to his vest.

If you are curious about what types of dogs can be service dogs, I encourage you to read the FAQ page on This Able Veteran's website http://www.thisableveteran.org/our-dogs/faqs/

That link also explains the difference between companion dogs, therapy dogs, and service dogs.

Service dogs are getting more attention. A Veteran of the Air Force who works for a Lowe's store in Texas is getting some national attention. When this Veteran needed a job, Lowe's hired him, and his service dog (who also wears a Lowe's vest). There's a story circulating on social media and you can also read about it here:  Lowe's Employees.

Seeing these Veterans and their service dogs enjoying work, life, and being comfortable is so important. Making them feel as if they are doing something wrong by having a service dog is not okay.

Service dogs do wonderful work. Please respect that work, their Veteran (or handler). Please try not to ask questions that are inappropriate. There are resources and organizations that work hard to help our Veterans and educate those who may be interested in service dogs.

Battle Buddy

Do you have someone in your life that is your "person?" Your "BFF?" Maybe you have a "battle buddy." What is a battle buddy? Well, a battle buddy is someone you meet in the military and you share various experiences with--someone that "has your six." This relationship can last well after a deployment has ended. 

Sam is pictured below with one of his battle buddies.

 Now, the Army did not assign Memphis to be Sam's battle buddy. What is so unique about the relationships formed between battle buddies is that it is a strong bond that cannot be broken. Memphis has a leash that reads "Battle Buddy." We found it in Florida while we were visiting the Pensacola Naval Aviation Museum (and yes, I know that podium is a Navy one). We saw the leash at the gift shop and my first thought was, "oh, we have to get that!"

Sam served in the Army for 12 years. During that time he met a lot of people. I would go as far to say he has several battle buddies. Due to the nature of war, some of those soldiers never made it home, and some came home but struggled with the civilian world. I've had the opportunity to meet two of Sam's closest battle buddies. I can tell you that those men share a bond with Sam that I may never understand, and that's okay. Those men went through situations that some of us cannot even fathom. While distance separates them, I know they are always there for Sam. When they get to talk to one another, its like they have never missed a beat. If they get to see each other in person (one is in the Chicago area, the other near Nashville, TN), well, laughter, stories, and good times ensue. Their families have become friends to me as well, welcoming me in, even if I seemed like an outsider.

I'm post-war wife. Sam and I were not married while he was deployed. I haven't experienced what it is like to watch him leave for a tour. I haven't been able to welcome him home from a tour. We didn't live on a military base, and I didn't meet a group of military wives to form a bond with.  When I met Sam, he was working at SIU as a Peer Support Specialist with the VA. He was working with student-veterans. I can tell you I have witnessed the affects of three combat tours. I have been there when Sam has received calls to say that a soldier has taken his life. I have seen the ups and downs of anxiety, trauma, and stress.

I guess you could say that without having experienced war, we are battle buddies in a sense. We are going to do everything we can to battle PTSD. Do you have someone in your life that has been with you through thick and thin? Been with you at your worst, watched you grow and become your best?

There were times I worried about Sam while he was going to work. What kind of day would he have? How many triggers would there be? Would a Veteran cause Sam to have a bad memory while they were talking? What if he was so anxious and worried that he would not leave his office? I knew that his job caused triggers and was stressful at times, but at times I didn't know how bad it could be...

Then Memphis came into Sam's life. And a bond, just like a soldier would have with a battle buddy was formed. They spent three whole weeks together, getting to know one another in training. They were working, learning, talking, bonding...

They go to work together five days a week. If Sam has to travel for work to visit Veterans outside of the VA campus, Memphis travels too. Sometimes the weather does not cooperate and Memphis may get a day off (if it is too rainy). When Sam goes to class at SIU, Memphis goes to class at SIU. He will sit under a desk at work, or beside Sam in class. Sometimes people will comment, "I didn't even see a dog there!"

I feel so comfortable knowing that Sam has Memphis with him every day. I know if anxiety creeps in, he's got someone to decrease his stress. I know they have conversations on the way to work and the way home. Memphis has met many people, and even if it is a brief encounter, he makes their day better. When Sam's voice changes, or he uses a certain body language, Memphis knows and he can alert Sam by tapping on his leg, arm, or giving him a nudge--encouraging and offering support much like a battle buddy.

I read an article by James Dunz, and he said, "We should never underestimate the power of our actions. With one small gesture, we can change a person's outlook...So what does it mean to be a battle buddy? It could mean saving a life."

I believe those battle buddies from Sam's time in the military helped save his life...I believe that the work of This Able Veteran saves Veteran's lives. I believe that Memphis is a battle buddy... his outlook on life and the way he cares for Sam; his reaction when he sees him, well, it changed Sam's outlook...and Memphis saved Sam's life.

Memphis is pictured here, at his grandparent's house. With a little smile on his face. My mind and heart are at ease on a daily basis due to this fella. 

Traveling with Memphis

One day while we were out and about (probably heading to Target) someone (read random stranger) asked "does that dog really go everywhere he goes?" And the answer to that is,"yes, yes that dog goes everywhere he (Sam) goes."

How does that work? Well, Memphis sleeps in our room. Sometimes he sleeps on the bed, or he will cuddle for a bit then lay down in his bed. Yes,  Memphis has his own bed, with a platform that Sam built. In case Sam has a nightmare, Memphis can alert him.

Memphis goes to work with Sam. As I mentioned in an earlier post, Sam works for the VA in Marion. Memphis has some "office space" with Sam, and if Sam has a meeting, Memphis has a meeting. If Sam has to see a Veteran, Memphis sees the Veteran.

When our kids have school activities, Memphis comes with us. He's been to numerous softball games, choral concerts, and has even helped with drop off and pick up at school for the kids.

If we take a road trip, Memphis comes with us. We've been able to visit a lot of neat places with Memphis, our favorite restaurant, Twisted RAnCh in Soulard, IKEA in St. Louis, Fort Campbell, Scott AFB, and Memphis has even been to travel softball tournaments!

I think the best part of traveling with Memphis was when we went to Florida this summer. You see, Memphis had two very important jobs on that trip---he had to "work," but he was also the ring bearer at our wedding. We were married at Navarre Beach on June 14 (Flag Day and Sam's birthday).

So, to answer the question of if "that dog" really goes everywhere, yes...he really does. <3

 Memphis accompanied us to get our marriage license, and enjoyed the beach during our wedding.

My Husband is Not A Unicorn...

Have you ever felt like someone is staring holes through you? Or, have you noticed someone watching (let's be honest, staring at) you from a distance? Did you catch someone following you just to see what you were doing? It is an uncomfortable and awkward feeling, right?

Sometimes when when we go out in public, this is how my husband feels. We've been out in public with Memphis and sometimes we notice that people will just stare at us. In my head I'm thinking, "maybe they've never seen a dog before." In my heart, I just want to go out and spend time with my husband. We just want to have a nice dinner out (if that's what we are doing), or we just want to go to the store without having this feeling.

If you think about it, dogs have been around for quite sometime. This is nothing new...but to some, a service dog is a new object, a pretty thing, something to stare at, and something to see.

One day Sam was in Paducah, Kentucky for work. He texted me while he was at lunch and said, "Today is not a good day, I feel like a unicorn."

That has always stuck with me...and you know what, Sam can sense when it is going to be a "unicorn day." It happened a few weeks ago when we went to breakfast and EVERYONE turned around to watch us walk in and get seated. We even heard a table say (rather loudly), "Do you think that service dog will eat that food? Oh my goodness, that man has a service dog, did you see?"

And then it happened again when we went to the grocery store. I thought someone was going to run into us with their cart because they were watching Sam and Memphis.

We've had moments where we've just wanted to leave a store because people are pointing at Memphis. Talking about Sam. Looking to see what we are doing. Looking at Memphis. Can you imagine what that is like for someone who was uncomfortable in public before having a service dog?

Sure, it would be easy for us to stare back at people, or make a rude comment back, but we can't do that. We have to smile, ignore, or walk the other way. We may decompress in the vehicle after, or remember what someone said when we are home...but for the most part, it is important to continue on with our daily lives...we aren't going to hide just because we hear something rude, we aren't going to stay home because people make look at us.

So, just a little bit of advice...if you see someone with a service dog, please try not to stare. If it is a Veteran, please be mindful of them, their family, and try not to state the obvious like, "that man has a dog!" Also, please don't make a comment like, "well why does he need a service dog, he looks fine."

My husband is not a unicorn...please don't make him feel that way.

This Able Veteran (part one)

www.thisableveteran.org

My husband Sam, Memphis, and I took a little road trip to St. Louis a few weeks ago. We decided to hit our favorite restaurant, Twisted Ranch http://twistedranch.com/index.html, and one of our favorite stores, IKEA.

While roaming through IKEA, a woman approached us and asked, "Excuse me, where did you get your dog?" Now, this was a first. Normally people are trying to touch, or stare, or even say things like, "that man has a dog so he can be comfortable!" We've never heard someone ask where Memphis is from...

So, we moved out of the aisle, and Sam began telling the woman and her husband about This Able Veteran. You see, this organization does tremendous work for our Veterans. Not only do they train service dogs for Veterans, but they also work with the Veterans to cope and process their trauma.

Our knowledge of TAV was pretty simple at first. Since they are a local organization to us (about 20 minutes from our house), we heard of the organization. We supported their fundraising events by purchasing t-shirts, going to paring ceremonies, and even making donations. Volunteers and trainers would be out and about with service dogs in training and we would stop by and see them.

When Sam decided to apply for a service dog we had a lot of conversations about it...we prayed about it. This was a major step in his life, and in his recovery from three deployments (2 to Iraq, 1 to Afghanistan). The military played a major role in Sam's life, and in his current position with the VA, that role was still a major player in the form of memories, setbacks, triggers, anxiety, the list could go on...

It got so uncomfortable for Sam to be in public, big crowd situations like sporting events, concerts, movies, he tried to fake being comfortable, but he was always sensitive to consider how we, his family, felt, and what we wanted to do. He wore a mask and he wore it well.

Back to that application, or moment to apply--we had a rough family vacation. Big crowd, loud noises, almost claustrophobic in a sense. That was it, it was a major wake up call that in order to function with family or friends, he had to be comfortable in his surroundings and even in his own skin. I remember going back to our hotel that night in tears because there was nothing I could do to make the situation better. Nothing to ease the pain of feeling overwhelmed, remembering missions, thinking of soldiers lost, who never came home. Nothing I could do to take that pain away. I felt helpless...and if I felt that way, well, I can only imagine how Sam felt.

Once we got home from our 4th of July vacation, we had a major talk. Therapy was okay, but was that enough? Breathing techniques were useful, but did they really help? Keeping a coin around to have in hand was nice, but a coin, really? I was not always with Sam 24/7, but surely we could consider a service dog and that would help? So, he dowloaded the application, we talked about it, and in just a few short weeks it was mailed off to the TAV facility...and this is just part one of the process.

So, you're starting a blog about a dog...

My husband Sam, pictured with his service dog, Memphis in April 2016

For as long as I can remember, I loved writing. From printing my name over and over as a child, writing it in cursive with a bubble for a dot over the "i," and of course, trying my best to write my name as sloppily as possible. I love writing stories, notes, lists, essays, heck, I even opted to write a Master's Thesis instead of taking the Comp Exam.

When my husband was paired with his service dog, I began making lists of things people would say to us. Weird right? I used an app called li.st to make notes, complain, and keep track of some of the nice and not so nice things we hear when we are in public with Memphis.

I found that those lists, those notes, they help me. They help me laugh about how people point out the obvious, like shouting, "THAT MAN HAS A DOG!!" Yes, yes he does. They help me remember what we hear, and in a way, they help me refocus my thoughts to educate and provide information to people about service dogs...thus, a blog was created!

Why does my husband have a service dog? Because he is a Veteran who suffers from PTSD and TBI. He wanted a service dog so he could feel like a person again, a person he'd lost when he was deployed.

Since Memphis has been part of our family for seven months now, some of the posts will back track to how Memphis became part of our family, the process my husband went through in terms of receiving a service dog, opportunities we've had since Memphis has been in our family, and of course, your daily dose of doggy cuteness. I'll also post links to the organization that helped my husband, give information about service dogs, and how to talk to Veterans who have a service dog.

So, this is our journey with Memphis. I hope you come back to check out our stories!