Just Because...

The past few weeks have been a little stressful at the Hoekstra Homestead.

Why, you ask?

Sam works full time for the VA in Marion. He's also in grad school. I teach full time at John A. Logan.

This time of year is super crazy for students and teachers...heck, it is crazy for everyone because holidays.

Memphis senses the stress. Today Sam had class and he sent me a text message saying, "I am stressed about class, and Memphis knows. He's really coming through today."

And then he sent this picture...

That sweet face, in class, with "Dad." Stress just seems to go away when he's around.

Man's Best Friend

I'm sure you've heard the saying about dogs being man's best friend...well, I can say that I honestly see that on a daily basis.

I believe there's a reason that phrase exists. If you think about it, dogs are loyal. Dogs have a personality, demeanor, they are resilient,  and they love unconditionally. I see that with Sam and Memphis.

I remember the first day they met. Holy tears! Good tears. Happy tears. In just a few short minutes I witnessed pure joy, love, and happiness. If you've met Memphis, you know he is a happy dog. His whole bottom half wags, he goes into a full body wag, and I honestly believe he smiles. 

Can you imagine having a best friend with you all the time? Someone you can talk to about anything--without judgement?  Imagine if you will, what that is like for a Veteran who may feel like they can't open up or talk to someone about their experiences..Imagine if they had a service dog that could fill a void in their life. How wonderful to know there are people working hard to make sure that these dogs are trained for Veterans.

Some of my favorite moments are seeing Memphis and Sam interact. I often wonder what they talk about on the drive to work, over their walks during lunch, and I would give anything to know what Memphis thinks.

One of my favorite things about Memphis is that he is always so happy. He knows when Sam needs some attention and love. If Sam is anxious, Memphis is there to help, alerting him that everything is going to be alright. Memphis is active. He loves to play, loves one of his favorite toys, a stuffed Smore, and sometimes he sleeps with it. He brings joy to everyone he meets, and I truly believe he is Sam's best friend.

My Husband is Not A Unicorn...

Have you ever felt like someone is staring holes through you? Or, have you noticed someone watching (let's be honest, staring at) you from a distance? Did you catch someone following you just to see what you were doing? It is an uncomfortable and awkward feeling, right?

Sometimes when when we go out in public, this is how my husband feels. We've been out in public with Memphis and sometimes we notice that people will just stare at us. In my head I'm thinking, "maybe they've never seen a dog before." In my heart, I just want to go out and spend time with my husband. We just want to have a nice dinner out (if that's what we are doing), or we just want to go to the store without having this feeling.

If you think about it, dogs have been around for quite sometime. This is nothing new...but to some, a service dog is a new object, a pretty thing, something to stare at, and something to see.

One day Sam was in Paducah, Kentucky for work. He texted me while he was at lunch and said, "Today is not a good day, I feel like a unicorn."

That has always stuck with me...and you know what, Sam can sense when it is going to be a "unicorn day." It happened a few weeks ago when we went to breakfast and EVERYONE turned around to watch us walk in and get seated. We even heard a table say (rather loudly), "Do you think that service dog will eat that food? Oh my goodness, that man has a service dog, did you see?"

And then it happened again when we went to the grocery store. I thought someone was going to run into us with their cart because they were watching Sam and Memphis.

We've had moments where we've just wanted to leave a store because people are pointing at Memphis. Talking about Sam. Looking to see what we are doing. Looking at Memphis. Can you imagine what that is like for someone who was uncomfortable in public before having a service dog?

Sure, it would be easy for us to stare back at people, or make a rude comment back, but we can't do that. We have to smile, ignore, or walk the other way. We may decompress in the vehicle after, or remember what someone said when we are home...but for the most part, it is important to continue on with our daily lives...we aren't going to hide just because we hear something rude, we aren't going to stay home because people make look at us.

So, just a little bit of advice...if you see someone with a service dog, please try not to stare. If it is a Veteran, please be mindful of them, their family, and try not to state the obvious like, "that man has a dog!" Also, please don't make a comment like, "well why does he need a service dog, he looks fine."

My husband is not a unicorn...please don't make him feel that way.

TAV, Part 2

You wouldn't believe it, but this picture is from a concert. Jake Owen to be exact. I had no clue the amount of stress and anxiety this caused Sam (he wore a good mask when it came to PTSD).

After the application was sent to TAV, Sam waited for what seemed like years to get a call, a letter, any type of notification about receiving a service dog. One night, the phone rang, and I guess you could say the rest is history.

Veterans who apply to TAV go through a process of interviews in addition to the application that is filled out. Sure, after applying, we Facebook stalked the puppies on the TAV page. We found our favorite in Memphis...little did we know that this sweet pup (pictured below) was being trained for someone special, and that someone was Sam. After interviews and meeting with the trainers at the facility, the three week trauma resilience training would begin and the class would learn how to work with their dogs, but also how to work with and process their trauma. It is an unbelievable experience (I am told), one that has truly changed Sam's life. The training is intense, it is more than the service dog, it is a process for healing.  If you are a Veteran out there who is curious about a service dog, I encourage you to visit TAV's website to learn more information. You truly can learn life lessons from a dog...

This Able Veteran (part one)

www.thisableveteran.org

My husband Sam, Memphis, and I took a little road trip to St. Louis a few weeks ago. We decided to hit our favorite restaurant, Twisted Ranch http://twistedranch.com/index.html, and one of our favorite stores, IKEA.

While roaming through IKEA, a woman approached us and asked, "Excuse me, where did you get your dog?" Now, this was a first. Normally people are trying to touch, or stare, or even say things like, "that man has a dog so he can be comfortable!" We've never heard someone ask where Memphis is from...

So, we moved out of the aisle, and Sam began telling the woman and her husband about This Able Veteran. You see, this organization does tremendous work for our Veterans. Not only do they train service dogs for Veterans, but they also work with the Veterans to cope and process their trauma.

Our knowledge of TAV was pretty simple at first. Since they are a local organization to us (about 20 minutes from our house), we heard of the organization. We supported their fundraising events by purchasing t-shirts, going to paring ceremonies, and even making donations. Volunteers and trainers would be out and about with service dogs in training and we would stop by and see them.

When Sam decided to apply for a service dog we had a lot of conversations about it...we prayed about it. This was a major step in his life, and in his recovery from three deployments (2 to Iraq, 1 to Afghanistan). The military played a major role in Sam's life, and in his current position with the VA, that role was still a major player in the form of memories, setbacks, triggers, anxiety, the list could go on...

It got so uncomfortable for Sam to be in public, big crowd situations like sporting events, concerts, movies, he tried to fake being comfortable, but he was always sensitive to consider how we, his family, felt, and what we wanted to do. He wore a mask and he wore it well.

Back to that application, or moment to apply--we had a rough family vacation. Big crowd, loud noises, almost claustrophobic in a sense. That was it, it was a major wake up call that in order to function with family or friends, he had to be comfortable in his surroundings and even in his own skin. I remember going back to our hotel that night in tears because there was nothing I could do to make the situation better. Nothing to ease the pain of feeling overwhelmed, remembering missions, thinking of soldiers lost, who never came home. Nothing I could do to take that pain away. I felt helpless...and if I felt that way, well, I can only imagine how Sam felt.

Once we got home from our 4th of July vacation, we had a major talk. Therapy was okay, but was that enough? Breathing techniques were useful, but did they really help? Keeping a coin around to have in hand was nice, but a coin, really? I was not always with Sam 24/7, but surely we could consider a service dog and that would help? So, he dowloaded the application, we talked about it, and in just a few short weeks it was mailed off to the TAV facility...and this is just part one of the process.

So, you're starting a blog about a dog...

My husband Sam, pictured with his service dog, Memphis in April 2016

For as long as I can remember, I loved writing. From printing my name over and over as a child, writing it in cursive with a bubble for a dot over the "i," and of course, trying my best to write my name as sloppily as possible. I love writing stories, notes, lists, essays, heck, I even opted to write a Master's Thesis instead of taking the Comp Exam.

When my husband was paired with his service dog, I began making lists of things people would say to us. Weird right? I used an app called li.st to make notes, complain, and keep track of some of the nice and not so nice things we hear when we are in public with Memphis.

I found that those lists, those notes, they help me. They help me laugh about how people point out the obvious, like shouting, "THAT MAN HAS A DOG!!" Yes, yes he does. They help me remember what we hear, and in a way, they help me refocus my thoughts to educate and provide information to people about service dogs...thus, a blog was created!

Why does my husband have a service dog? Because he is a Veteran who suffers from PTSD and TBI. He wanted a service dog so he could feel like a person again, a person he'd lost when he was deployed.

Since Memphis has been part of our family for seven months now, some of the posts will back track to how Memphis became part of our family, the process my husband went through in terms of receiving a service dog, opportunities we've had since Memphis has been in our family, and of course, your daily dose of doggy cuteness. I'll also post links to the organization that helped my husband, give information about service dogs, and how to talk to Veterans who have a service dog.

So, this is our journey with Memphis. I hope you come back to check out our stories!