Today My Dad Turns 70...

Today is my dad's 70th birthday. 70. That's big...especially to my dad who lost his own father at the age of 70.

I know this is not a normal post, but my dad has been one of my biggest cheerleaders for...well...all my life. I've loved him my whole life. He has supported me for as long as I can remember. I think it is important to show you all that we have a wonderful support system in our family and friends. Without them, well, I'm not sure we would be where we are today.

I've always been able to talk to my dad about a variety of things...which I guess makes me a "Daddy's Girl." From an early age, he instilled a love of reading in me. I firmly believe that is why I am a teacher, why I studied literature, and why I still love curling up with a good book. I can remember going into my parent's room to lay down beside my dad while he read---I would bring a book in as well.

I've been through a lot of ups and downs in my 36 years, and my dad has been there...probably more times than I can count. Whether it was after a bad grade, a basketball loss, a broken heart, a job change, a divorce...he was there...with open arms. I could always count on my dad to be in my corner.

I know that I am beyond blessed with my dad---and the fact that he and my mom are so close to us (all in the small town of Cambria). We're so lucky that they can help out with the kids, check on the two little dogs (as they don't get to travel with us at times), and of course, be there for us. I know some of my closest friends do not have this--and it makes my heart hurt because of that.

My dad is the oldest of three boys. His parents were some of my favorite people, and the only grandparents I ever knew. He was a railroad guy---having worked on the railroad for the majority of my life. He never missed out on important events in our lives (our being mine and my siblings). He came to my basketball games as a player and as a coach (I even recruited him to keep the scorebook from time to time). He has been there for my kids and has been there for softball/baseball games, school programs, sleepovers at his house, vacations/day trips. He never complains. He goes above and beyond for his family.

When I met Sam, my dad was one of the first people I told...odd, right? Maybe that's something for a mom, girlfriends, etc...but I wanted my dad to know about this amazing guy. When Sam hosted his first Veteran Art Show, my dad went with me. And, that was when Sam, an army guy, felt intimidated by my dad! Ha!

When Sam and I began dating, we had a few dinner dates with my parents. I'm happy to say there was never a dull, awkward silence during those times or in a conversation. My dad and Sam could chat (and still can) about anything. They got along well (and still do), and could talk for hours about history, war, and sports (among other things).

I remember having a conversation with my dad about Sam and PTSD. My dad listened. He didn't judge. He didn't ask questions, he listened. He wanted to know if there was anything he could do to help, or what I did to help when Sam was uncomfortable.  I also remember telling him that he was thinking about applying to This Able Veteran for a service dog. He asked some questions about the program, how that worked, what type of training, what kind of dog...he didn't judge. He was supportive and still is. He listened while I told him about the three weeks of training that Sam would go through--and he even volunteered to cook a meal for the Veterans in the class.

My dad has been through a lot in 70 years. Happy times, sad times, loss of parents and other relatives. Ups and downs with his family, and ups and downs with life. He's a wonderful husband...incredibly supportive of my mom, taking care of her, helping her with daily tasks...I've never seen anything like it.  He works hard (even though he's been retired for a bit), he cares, he listens...he loves. Although he is quiet, he is witty, sharp as a tack, and funny. He's been so supportive, so loving, and so caring to me, Sam, and the kids (of course, the furry kids too)...I just can't imagine our lives without him.

I hope you are fortunate to have a support system in your life. My dad is one of a kind...and I know that some of you have had that type of dad, love, and cheerleader in your life as well.

Today my dad turns 70...Happiest of birthdays, Dad.

Some photos of my dad--the first, with me, after graduation from SIU, and the second--with his catch  (Caden) on Navarre Beach (where we were married in Florida). I think both of those fellas in the photo are a great catch! 

Five Things to Know about a Veteran/Service Dog Team

I thought I would try something new for this post...I am going to ask Sam if he can give a list or a variety of five things he would like people to know about Veterans or Service Dogs.

Me: "Okay Sam, I'm going to ask you a few things for the blog readers."

Sam: "Pretty much Memphis is awesome?"

Seriously...here we go (these are the real responses from Sam).

1. Veterans are non-traditional adults. They had to be an adult first in some ways more than an adult (does this make sense). Unlike most teens or young people, Veterans had to adapt to an adult lifestyle very quickly and at a young age. In some cases, Veterans have taken more responsibility than adults at a young age.

2.  There is more to a Veteran than the uniform. For example, I put together an art show that allowed people to see that Veterans can be artistic and show/express a creative side, one that may show what their war expereinces. Veterans are more than "things they carry," we carry more than an image--fathers, wives, electricians, teachers--once the uniform goes on those seem to disappear. Veterans are unique and have a lot of various hobbies and expereinces.

3.  Just because a Veteran has a service dog it does not make them any less of a person. Service dogs are a tool, a way to help Veterans adapt to a new lifestyle that they lost, brainwashed out of--like brainwashed through PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), TBI (traumatic brain injury), or even what the military imposes on men and women.

4.  Sometimes people don't realize that dogs need days off. Like today, Memphis stayed home with "mom" to do some DIY projects. People at work asked where he was...I guarantee people at work don't ask where I am when I'm off, or not there. Memphis works hard through the week, and I can tell if he's sort of had it, or if he just needs a break. Maybe he just wants to lay on the couch, ya know.

5.  One of my favorite things to do with Memphis is walk at work. So, at the VA we have a track/walking path, and he gets to walk on lunch with me. I love it when he runs off, then he comes back and tries to juke me, then he will nudge my right leg. It is like our little fun time, and I love that he runs full speed and slows up a little when he gets to me.  It is our time to talk, to relax. We talk about work or what we will do when we get home. I like that he has a good personality.

*There you have it. Five things Sam would like you to know about what it is like being a Veteran with a service dog. I had fun talking with him, and I hope we can do another "five things" again sometime soon.

We are so blessed. I love hearing Sam talk about his days with Memphis--what they did at work, their drive to work and home. Seeing them interact is a joy--they light up my life.

Be Kind.

During the hustle and bustle of the morning, I always say to the kids (as we are leaving for school/work) "have a good day, I love you,  don't forget to mind your manners and be kind!" It may seem redundant or get old to them, but every morning we try to stick to our routine and every morning those words are said in the car.

Sometimes it is hard to be kind. We may have a bad day, someone may do something that irritates us (driving slow in the left lane, no turn signal, taking a parking spot we wanted), sometimes the phrase "when it rains, it pours" may even come to mind if you are having "one of those days," and it is just too much to be kind.

We have had a lot of people who have been very kind to us since Sam was paired with Memphis. In an earlier post, I mentioned the wonderful folks of Rotary District 6510. We had a random stranger pay for our meal one evening at Cracker Barrel. We've had people come up to us and thank Sam for his service and say, "God bless you."

Did you know that simply by being kind you can make the difference in the life of anyone you encounter, and even in the life of a Veteran?

I saw something yesterday on Facebook that brought tears to my eyes--well, two things now that I think about it.

The first: Gateway Warrior Foundation raised and donated $50,000 to This Able Veteran to sponsor TWO veteran/service dog teams. That gives me goosebumps. They have been such a blessing to many families, and to TAV. Through their support and donations, two Veterans will have an opportunity to fully live life and experience the joys of having a canine companion for life.

The second: Mrs. Maze's first grade class at Tri-C Elementary made over 175 buddy bags for Veteran patients at the Marion VA. I think the other first grade classes were involved, but that made my heart swell. Such a sweet gesture, and I'm so proud to know many of those teachers.

These two simple acts of kindness, love, and appreciation are just what we need in this world.

I will never be able to say "thank you" enough to the folks who helped raise money and donate the funding to sponsor Memphis. Simple acts of kindness, love, and appreciation once again...they have helped change the life of a Veteran that I love very much. They have helped Sam become comfortable in this world, in his job, and day to day life. These folks have also helped our family--we can go out together as a family, we know if Sam is feeling stressed or anxious, Memphis is there to support him. These people help Veterans battling PTSD.

This blog is a glimpse into our lives...and my hope is that by reading and sharing, maybe it reaches someone who needs some kindness and love. Maybe it reaches a family who has a loved one that struggles with PTSD. Maybe it reaches someone who has questions about a service dog, or knows someone that could benefit from learning about TAV's program and what their service dogs do.

Last night I talked with some people who care deeply for our Veterans, and who are supporters of This Able Veteran. I just kept thinking about how much I appreciate all of the support, love, kindness, and generosity we have received from people who are connected to this organization. It brings tears to my eyes...in a good way. Because it warms my heart knowing there are so many people who are willing to give up their time to support this mission of helping Veterans. There are people who don't even know much about TAV, or the reach this program has, and I hope that through conversation, this blog, and seeing TAV service dogs out and about, people can get a better understanding of what these service dogs do, and how these Veterans are living life with them.

So many people have been so kind..

A friend of mine recently lost his father. I was so moved by a post he made regarding his father on social media. He said, "please do something kind for someone else in his memory." Now, I never met his father, but from various posts on social media, and his blog, I do know his father was a kind, genuine man. Someone with a megawatt smile. Someone who never met a stranger and made people feel as if he'd known them for years. Someone who was kind...

If you are struggling this holiday season, especially with being kind, may I offer this advice? No matter how dark your days may seem, there is always, always something to be thankful for. This week has been rough with finals and work for Sam, finals for me, and the hustle and bustle of the week before Christmas break for our kids. We've been tired. We've been cranky. And, at times, we haven't been kind. But, we have one another. We have a roof over our heads, and warm beds to sleep in. We are thankful for so much. We had laughs this morning during our "morning routine," and there was a lot of love and kindness that filled our home.

Try to reach out and do something kind for someone today, tomorrow, next week...whether that's pay for someone's coffee while you are standing in line at Starbucks, offering to pay for a family's meal, leaving a simple note of gratitude for someone: be kind. You never know what kind of day a person may be having, so be kind. Everyone you meet may be fighting a battle you know nothing about. Someone may have lost a loved one, someone may not be a fan of the holidays...but even if you don't know the struggle you can always be kind.

So many people have been kind to our family...strangers, people we may never meet, people we know, and I am so thankful for every single person. Even if they don't know us, their devotion to helping Veterans has helped my family, and they gave us hope. I am so thankful for the kindness of the people at This Able Veteran. The work that you all do is simply amazing and life changing.  You have my heartfelt gratitude for the blessing you have given Sam and our family: Memphis.

Determined.

The word determined can be defined as having a strong feeling that you are going to do something and you will not allow anyone or anything to stop you; no difficulties will stand in your way.

Sam is determined to finish strong this semester in grad school.

This week we have been determined to get our work done and survive. Grad school can be challenging. I spent many nights working on papers, researching, reading, add into that mix grading papers, and also being with my family. I thought I would never graduate. I had the best cheerleader in Sam...encouraging me, reading my work, talking me out of quitting or giving up...he was determined to help me succeed and finish strong.

Sam has been working every night this week on his paper and studying for his class. This is a big deal. Normally we are in bed by 9:30, 10:00 every night...but Sam's bed time has been a lot later due to studying and working on his final.

Why am I making such a big deal about grad school, studying, and determination?

Imagine having a TBI  (traumatic brain injury) that has caused you to have little to no short-term memory. Think about how often you would have to make notes for yourself, put reminders in your phone, set alarms, ask your significant other to remind you to do something. Imagine trying to read 25+ pages for a class, and then having what you read sort of disappear or come back to you in bits and pieces. With little to no short term memory, studying can be a challenge.

Sam makes notes, he highlights sections in textbooks, and then sometimes he types the notes up to review them...anything to remember or make studying easier.

I have watched him grow into a very determined person in two years. When I first met Sam he was outgoing, but yet I could tell there were times that he may have felt like giving up. He wasn't a fan of working 40 hours a week and taking classes for his Master's in between. He wasn't a fan of going into the office to study for finals, a test, or working on a paper. But, he was determined to finish that degree. I admire him for his work ethic and for his determination to succeed despite having some setbacks.

Sam's undergrad was interrupted a few times by deployment orders. He would start a semester, get orders, and have to leave. When he would come back, he tried to get back into the swing of school. Imagine how challenging that could be--moving from one community to the other---the military community always looming, but yet needing to fit into the college community and less structured environment of a college campus.

A semester would begin, and deployment orders would come again.

Three times he was shifted between two worlds.

When we talked about Sam applying for a service dog through This Able Veteran, he was determined to work on processing his trauma and getting a hold on PTSD. When he entered the three week trauma resiliency program, he was determined. He has worked hard to accomplish so much after three deployments and being medevac'd out of Afghanistan. He graduated with his bachelor's degree, he works in Behavior Health at the VA, and he is working on completing his Master's degree.

He's one of the most determined people I know. I know that he can do anything he puts his mind to, with the love and support from his family, and of course, sweet Memphis.

Can I Pet Your Dog?

When I started noticing people would say things about Sam, Memphis, or service dogs, I started keeping track of those things---now, I realize that may seem super weird or odd, but honestly, some of the phrases, questions, and comments were unbelievable. I mean, if we thought about them later, we would laugh because we couldn't believe what some people would say...out loud...

A question that a lot of people ask is "can I pet your dog?" This is a tough one. While it may seem harmless, there have been people who flat out get mad when Sam says, "no, I'm sorry he's working."

Yep. You read that correctly--people get mad when Sam says no.

And I'm sorry, but he has every right to say no.

Service dogs are working dogs. When Memphis is in "uniform," or in his vest, he is working. There are some situations where he needs to be completely focused on Sam and Sam needs to be completely focused on him. Just like kids can sometimes be distracted, Memphis can get distracted too.

It is so hard to say "no" sometimes...but, to be honest, that is Sam's call as the owner/handler. Cute little kids who just want to say hi to a doggy, people who are in awe that Sam has a dog in public, total strangers, people we know, friends, family, and yes, even our kids...sometimes they all get a "no, he's working." Or, even a "no, not right now."

But even that response (which is always meant in a kind, polite way) makes people mad.

This is a situation that always makes me feel uncomfortable and a little confused for a few reasons, one of them being that I can't figure out why someone would be mad that they can't pet a working dog...

Here's how we started to think of this situation (when we are asked)...

If you saw a disabled person in a wheelchair, would you walk up to them and ask if they could get up so you could have a ride in their wheelchair? I don't think so.

If you saw someone walking with a cane or walker, would you try to take it from them so you could just see what it was like to use a cane or walker? I certainly hope not.

Just like those tools are for those folks who need them, Memphis is that tool for Sam. While I hate to say that (by comparing Memphis to a wheelchair, cane, or walker), Sam needs Memphis like someone who needs a wheelchair.  And even if it seems silly to think of it in that way, it is sort of true.

What some people don't understand is that while Veterans may seem fine in appearance (having their limbs, no visible injuries or scars from war) is that they may not have visible wounds...they may have invisible wounds.

I know what you're thinking...did she just say that some Veterans have "invisible wounds?"

Yes I did.

Invisible wounds are ones that we cannot see---like PTSD, TBI, or moral injury. Those are very real wounds of war. They exist, and they can be hidden deep down in a Veteran.

Am I saying all Veterans suffer from invisible wounds? No.

However, there are Veterans who suffer from PTSD, TBI, and moral injury. And while those injuries may not be visible to the eye, they are real. I heard a man say that for a Veteran who may suffer from TBI that it is like "adult shaken baby syndrome." I nearly lost it. How could someone say that? Were they hit by IED's? Did their truck blow up? TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) can happen when a bump, blow, jolt, or other head injury causes damage to the brain. How do I know this? Sam has TBI as the result of IED (Improvised Explosive Device) blasts from three combat tours.

There are times when we are out in public and Sam has to focus on Memphis as if he is the only thing in a room. At times, Memphis acts as if Sam is the only human around. When there are a lot of people around, random hands will be going toward Memphis...and that is a hard one...to stop someone in the process of trying to pet Memphis when he is working.

I realize some of you who read this may think, "wow, they don't want us to touch or see Memphis." Or, some of you may wonder, "do they ever let anyone touch him?" I'll say this---it is always Sam's call. If you see us out, and you want to say hello, please ask to pet Memphis. If you see anyone with a service dog, and you are curious, just say hello, and always ask if it is okay to pet the dog.

Some service dogs have a patch on their vest that reads "Working Dog DO NOT PET." That's not a slam to people who love dogs. That isn't a mean thing to put on a vest. That is the owner/handler's choice. I also know that it is so tempting to see a service dog and want to pet them. Just remember, they are working, and they should not be distracted.

There's a meme that has circulated and every time I see it, I laugh...so I will share it with you all.

 This is true! Service dogs have been trained for a very long time, and have been specifically for a Veteran. While it is soooo tempting to just reach down and pet a service dog if you see one, consider asking first. If you ask and are told no, please don't be upset, but know you could ask again at another time. 

We are so grateful for all of our friends and family who love Memphis! Believe it or not, your understanding of how important his work is makes our transition with him in our home and lives easier. Thank you for understanding (and thank you for loving him)!

Is That A Service Dog?

Believe it or not, "is that a service dog?" is a question that is often asked when Sam is out with Memphis. Sometimes we hear it when we are at a place like Walmart, or sometimes Sam hears it as he's out and about for work. There have even been people at work ask him that very question.

What frustrates me is the fact that people try to pass off their pets as a service dog. There, I said it. I have seen people at sporting events with a small, tiny dog (think Chihuahua) and they've said "this is my service dog."

I'm sorry, what?

I'm not sure how that dog can provide a service? Can that dog help its owner if she's off balance from vertigo or about to fall? Can that dog alert her (and barking doesn't count, as this dog was doing, repeatedly)...

We've had expereinces where Sam has been questioned about Memphis being a "legit" service dog. This does not sit well with me as I tend to get into "Mama Bear" mode.

One example of this was at a SIU Football game. We decided to take the family out for a game, our first game of their season and as we were about to walk in with our tickets it happened.

A young girl (maybe college student) who was scanning tickets in another line walks over to the line we are in and tells that student worker "you need to ask that man for his papers on that dog. We need to see if that is a real dog."

I'm sorry. A real dog?

Almost at the same time Sam and I both said (politely) "you can't ask that by law."

And we got an eye roll and stare back. No "I'm sorry, I didn't know." No "oh, okay, my mistake." An eye roll. And then "well we need to make sure."

I couldn't help it. It just came out. "NO, you don't need to make sure, you need to quit asking."

According to the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), businesses may ask "Is this a Service Dog?" and "What tasks does the Service Animal perform?"

I don't see anything about a real dog or papers on that card...

(Sam and I both have a card that gives information from the ADA on service animals)

It is hard to keep my cool at times---I will be honest. I don't want someone questioning my husband in an accusatory tone, or telling him he can't have a service dog, or that he needs to show proof that the dog is real (of course the dog is real, hello! We didn't dress him up!).

Businesses may not:
1. Require special identification for the animal (this means you Fat Patties and Tequilas in Murdale).
2. Ask about the person's disability (this means people should not say, "what's wrong with you?")
3. Charge additional fees because of the animal (still can't figure out why American Airlines asked how much Memphis weighed when Sam was ready to pay for his checked bag).
4. Refuse admittance, isolate, segregate, or treat this person less favorably than other patrons (thanks for seating us out in no man's land various restaurants).

I know that some people aren't aware of what service dogs actually do, or why people need them. But, there are differences between wanting to take your pet places and passing it off as a service dog. That I have a problem with. I do know that some people may need an emotional support animal, or a therapy dog (and those dogs--emotional support & therapy do not get all access like service dogs) ...but not all dogs can be service dogs.

Equal access is a big deal for us, especially now that Memphis is in our family. Memphis is specifically trained to do work or perform tasks (like alerting) for the benefit of Sam--meaning yes, he works to help Sam with his PTSD. These tasks are directly related to Sam, and it means that Memphis can assist him, despite people asking for papers or identification.

And guess what...Memphis has identification! He has an ID card that is attached to his vest.

If you are curious about what types of dogs can be service dogs, I encourage you to read the FAQ page on This Able Veteran's website http://www.thisableveteran.org/our-dogs/faqs/

That link also explains the difference between companion dogs, therapy dogs, and service dogs.

Service dogs are getting more attention. A Veteran of the Air Force who works for a Lowe's store in Texas is getting some national attention. When this Veteran needed a job, Lowe's hired him, and his service dog (who also wears a Lowe's vest). There's a story circulating on social media and you can also read about it here:  Lowe's Employees.

Seeing these Veterans and their service dogs enjoying work, life, and being comfortable is so important. Making them feel as if they are doing something wrong by having a service dog is not okay.

Service dogs do wonderful work. Please respect that work, their Veteran (or handler). Please try not to ask questions that are inappropriate. There are resources and organizations that work hard to help our Veterans and educate those who may be interested in service dogs.

Battle Buddy

Do you have someone in your life that is your "person?" Your "BFF?" Maybe you have a "battle buddy." What is a battle buddy? Well, a battle buddy is someone you meet in the military and you share various experiences with--someone that "has your six." This relationship can last well after a deployment has ended. 

Sam is pictured below with one of his battle buddies.

 Now, the Army did not assign Memphis to be Sam's battle buddy. What is so unique about the relationships formed between battle buddies is that it is a strong bond that cannot be broken. Memphis has a leash that reads "Battle Buddy." We found it in Florida while we were visiting the Pensacola Naval Aviation Museum (and yes, I know that podium is a Navy one). We saw the leash at the gift shop and my first thought was, "oh, we have to get that!"

Sam served in the Army for 12 years. During that time he met a lot of people. I would go as far to say he has several battle buddies. Due to the nature of war, some of those soldiers never made it home, and some came home but struggled with the civilian world. I've had the opportunity to meet two of Sam's closest battle buddies. I can tell you that those men share a bond with Sam that I may never understand, and that's okay. Those men went through situations that some of us cannot even fathom. While distance separates them, I know they are always there for Sam. When they get to talk to one another, its like they have never missed a beat. If they get to see each other in person (one is in the Chicago area, the other near Nashville, TN), well, laughter, stories, and good times ensue. Their families have become friends to me as well, welcoming me in, even if I seemed like an outsider.

I'm post-war wife. Sam and I were not married while he was deployed. I haven't experienced what it is like to watch him leave for a tour. I haven't been able to welcome him home from a tour. We didn't live on a military base, and I didn't meet a group of military wives to form a bond with.  When I met Sam, he was working at SIU as a Peer Support Specialist with the VA. He was working with student-veterans. I can tell you I have witnessed the affects of three combat tours. I have been there when Sam has received calls to say that a soldier has taken his life. I have seen the ups and downs of anxiety, trauma, and stress.

I guess you could say that without having experienced war, we are battle buddies in a sense. We are going to do everything we can to battle PTSD. Do you have someone in your life that has been with you through thick and thin? Been with you at your worst, watched you grow and become your best?

There were times I worried about Sam while he was going to work. What kind of day would he have? How many triggers would there be? Would a Veteran cause Sam to have a bad memory while they were talking? What if he was so anxious and worried that he would not leave his office? I knew that his job caused triggers and was stressful at times, but at times I didn't know how bad it could be...

Then Memphis came into Sam's life. And a bond, just like a soldier would have with a battle buddy was formed. They spent three whole weeks together, getting to know one another in training. They were working, learning, talking, bonding...

They go to work together five days a week. If Sam has to travel for work to visit Veterans outside of the VA campus, Memphis travels too. Sometimes the weather does not cooperate and Memphis may get a day off (if it is too rainy). When Sam goes to class at SIU, Memphis goes to class at SIU. He will sit under a desk at work, or beside Sam in class. Sometimes people will comment, "I didn't even see a dog there!"

I feel so comfortable knowing that Sam has Memphis with him every day. I know if anxiety creeps in, he's got someone to decrease his stress. I know they have conversations on the way to work and the way home. Memphis has met many people, and even if it is a brief encounter, he makes their day better. When Sam's voice changes, or he uses a certain body language, Memphis knows and he can alert Sam by tapping on his leg, arm, or giving him a nudge--encouraging and offering support much like a battle buddy.

I read an article by James Dunz, and he said, "We should never underestimate the power of our actions. With one small gesture, we can change a person's outlook...So what does it mean to be a battle buddy? It could mean saving a life."

I believe those battle buddies from Sam's time in the military helped save his life...I believe that the work of This Able Veteran saves Veteran's lives. I believe that Memphis is a battle buddy... his outlook on life and the way he cares for Sam; his reaction when he sees him, well, it changed Sam's outlook...and Memphis saved Sam's life.

Memphis is pictured here, at his grandparent's house. With a little smile on his face. My mind and heart are at ease on a daily basis due to this fella. 

Don't Rain on My Parade

It has been said that occasional anxiety is part of life. Maybe you feel anxious with a situation at work. I had test anxiety as a student because I worried that once I sat down to take a test all the information would just disappear. Perhaps you've been anxious when making a life changing decision. Maybe you live with anxiety deep down every day...

My husband's anxiety comes and goes. While it has been easier since Memphis, "pre-Memphis" anxiety was a major challenge. One that I wanted to throat punch. I hated that there were times I could do absolutely nothing for Sam. Signs of anxiety for Sam were not noticeable to me at first. Why? Because Sam was good at hiding how he felt at times. Things or signs that I finally realized were due to be anxious or somewhat related to PTSD:

A big one: crowds. Sam was not (and still is not at times) a fan. Too many people in one place, especially when there's no visible exit in place = not good. Anxiety to find an exit, not looking behind at the "crowd," people being too close (as if they are breathing down your neck)--no bueno.

Last year we decided to go to the Carbondale Lights Fantastic Parade. A night out with the family--a night to get into the Christmas spirit.  We loaded up the kids, blankets, hot chocolate, and we planned to meet my parents at the parade.

But there's one problem. People go to parades. And people come out in DROVES for parades...or so it seems.

We had the PERFECT spot, close to the road, and we set up camp. Everyone had hot chocolate, a blanket, and we were ready. Then, the worst possible scenario started to unfold before my eyes.

Sam became boxed in...people around him (which was us, people he knew), and people RIGHT BEHIND HIM. Here's the thing, Sam cannot stand having people stand right behind him. I know it is uneasy for me, but consider someone who has been in combat surrounded by people who may or may not be the enemy...in your personal space...a stranger...now imagine being surrounded at a parade. I was even uncomfortable and I knew Sam was...

I politely asked the family who moved in on our turf if they could move back a little bit. They had a double stroller. One baby was screaming/crying/unhappy. One was just sitting. The family didn't budge. I waited a few minutes, and saw how uncomfortable Sam was--fidgeting, looking for a coin, trying to do some deep breathing...it just wasn't working. I asked again, and they moved maybe 3 steps over. Still too close. I had to do something. That phrase "don't rain on my parade" was in my head--even if there was no rain, it was a family outing that was slowly slipping away.

The anxiety of the people around us was so bad that Sam had to get up and go away from us--actually he walked over to a parking lot. You can't watch a parade with your family when you are in a parking lot and they are near the edge of a curb. Tally messaged me (thank you, Facebook) and asked how things were. I was on the verge of tears, and all I could think of was "this was a bad idea." Tally found us...after exchanging a few messages and she came over with one of the service dogs in training...

Social media...may not have been the best or smartest post, but I posted something on Facebook about just wanting to enjoy a parade with my family, maybe it was even something about parade etiquette...but, that "rant," was read by someone special...and she reached out. Tally helped us out that night.

"Who is Tally?" you may be wondering...Tally is "my person." Before she became "my person," we knew her as one of the amazing trainers at This Able Veteran. After we found out Sam was going to be in the class, we got to meet some of staff at TAV/Extreme K9. I had no idea that those people would be friends that would become like family.

Tally helped us salvage what was left of the parade, and with tears in my eyes, all I could muster was a whisper of a thank you. She went over to Sam with one of the pups...and for the first time I saw Sam break down. He felt like he let us down...he felt like he ruined the parade...can you imagine? That pup in training helped him more than they both knew that night. And it was then I realized the decision to apply to TAV was the best move Sam could have made.

 I'm pretty sure God knew what he was doing when he placed Tally in our life...and not just Tally, but so many other folks we have met through This Able Veteran.  Tally was so helpful to me, especially when Sam was in training...she would check in with me, let me know how Sam was doing, and sometimes I got pictures of the bonding between Sam and Memphis during those three weeks.

This picture of Tally with Sam and Memphis is adorable (and yes, my husband is wearing sunglasses inside). Tally loves her job. She loves those precious pups as if they were her own. Tally loves the Veterans that she meets. I have seen her in action, working with Memphis and other dogs...and she is dedicated to making Veterans lives better. And of course there's aunt Miranda, aunt Lauren, uncle Jeff,  aunt Jacee, Mama B. Doan, aunt Pam, aunt Michelle...aunt Beth, uncle Chuck...anyone and everyone who's loved on Memphis...it takes a village of people to prepare these dogs to be companions for life for some very deserving Veterans.

How and why does Memphis know what to do? Because of his training. Sam is often asked if he is training Memphis, or if the dog is trained. Memphis was trained by some of the best people I know (see above).  He made public appearances as a pup, learned to pick up on behaviors that a Veteran may exhibit, and eventually learned how to help Sam in a variety of situations. That's right. Memphis was specifically trained for some of Sam's behaviors. Amazing, right?

For the longest time I was so frustrated with myself for not being able to help calm Sam down when he was anxious. I wished there was something I could do, hoped that I could help---I would have even invested in magic wand to make it all go away if I could have...

And then Memphis came into our lives...and he's blessed Sam more than he'll ever know. <3

TAV, Part 2

You wouldn't believe it, but this picture is from a concert. Jake Owen to be exact. I had no clue the amount of stress and anxiety this caused Sam (he wore a good mask when it came to PTSD).

After the application was sent to TAV, Sam waited for what seemed like years to get a call, a letter, any type of notification about receiving a service dog. One night, the phone rang, and I guess you could say the rest is history.

Veterans who apply to TAV go through a process of interviews in addition to the application that is filled out. Sure, after applying, we Facebook stalked the puppies on the TAV page. We found our favorite in Memphis...little did we know that this sweet pup (pictured below) was being trained for someone special, and that someone was Sam. After interviews and meeting with the trainers at the facility, the three week trauma resilience training would begin and the class would learn how to work with their dogs, but also how to work with and process their trauma. It is an unbelievable experience (I am told), one that has truly changed Sam's life. The training is intense, it is more than the service dog, it is a process for healing.  If you are a Veteran out there who is curious about a service dog, I encourage you to visit TAV's website to learn more information. You truly can learn life lessons from a dog...

This Able Veteran (part one)

www.thisableveteran.org

My husband Sam, Memphis, and I took a little road trip to St. Louis a few weeks ago. We decided to hit our favorite restaurant, Twisted Ranch http://twistedranch.com/index.html, and one of our favorite stores, IKEA.

While roaming through IKEA, a woman approached us and asked, "Excuse me, where did you get your dog?" Now, this was a first. Normally people are trying to touch, or stare, or even say things like, "that man has a dog so he can be comfortable!" We've never heard someone ask where Memphis is from...

So, we moved out of the aisle, and Sam began telling the woman and her husband about This Able Veteran. You see, this organization does tremendous work for our Veterans. Not only do they train service dogs for Veterans, but they also work with the Veterans to cope and process their trauma.

Our knowledge of TAV was pretty simple at first. Since they are a local organization to us (about 20 minutes from our house), we heard of the organization. We supported their fundraising events by purchasing t-shirts, going to paring ceremonies, and even making donations. Volunteers and trainers would be out and about with service dogs in training and we would stop by and see them.

When Sam decided to apply for a service dog we had a lot of conversations about it...we prayed about it. This was a major step in his life, and in his recovery from three deployments (2 to Iraq, 1 to Afghanistan). The military played a major role in Sam's life, and in his current position with the VA, that role was still a major player in the form of memories, setbacks, triggers, anxiety, the list could go on...

It got so uncomfortable for Sam to be in public, big crowd situations like sporting events, concerts, movies, he tried to fake being comfortable, but he was always sensitive to consider how we, his family, felt, and what we wanted to do. He wore a mask and he wore it well.

Back to that application, or moment to apply--we had a rough family vacation. Big crowd, loud noises, almost claustrophobic in a sense. That was it, it was a major wake up call that in order to function with family or friends, he had to be comfortable in his surroundings and even in his own skin. I remember going back to our hotel that night in tears because there was nothing I could do to make the situation better. Nothing to ease the pain of feeling overwhelmed, remembering missions, thinking of soldiers lost, who never came home. Nothing I could do to take that pain away. I felt helpless...and if I felt that way, well, I can only imagine how Sam felt.

Once we got home from our 4th of July vacation, we had a major talk. Therapy was okay, but was that enough? Breathing techniques were useful, but did they really help? Keeping a coin around to have in hand was nice, but a coin, really? I was not always with Sam 24/7, but surely we could consider a service dog and that would help? So, he dowloaded the application, we talked about it, and in just a few short weeks it was mailed off to the TAV facility...and this is just part one of the process.

So, you're starting a blog about a dog...

My husband Sam, pictured with his service dog, Memphis in April 2016

For as long as I can remember, I loved writing. From printing my name over and over as a child, writing it in cursive with a bubble for a dot over the "i," and of course, trying my best to write my name as sloppily as possible. I love writing stories, notes, lists, essays, heck, I even opted to write a Master's Thesis instead of taking the Comp Exam.

When my husband was paired with his service dog, I began making lists of things people would say to us. Weird right? I used an app called li.st to make notes, complain, and keep track of some of the nice and not so nice things we hear when we are in public with Memphis.

I found that those lists, those notes, they help me. They help me laugh about how people point out the obvious, like shouting, "THAT MAN HAS A DOG!!" Yes, yes he does. They help me remember what we hear, and in a way, they help me refocus my thoughts to educate and provide information to people about service dogs...thus, a blog was created!

Why does my husband have a service dog? Because he is a Veteran who suffers from PTSD and TBI. He wanted a service dog so he could feel like a person again, a person he'd lost when he was deployed.

Since Memphis has been part of our family for seven months now, some of the posts will back track to how Memphis became part of our family, the process my husband went through in terms of receiving a service dog, opportunities we've had since Memphis has been in our family, and of course, your daily dose of doggy cuteness. I'll also post links to the organization that helped my husband, give information about service dogs, and how to talk to Veterans who have a service dog.

So, this is our journey with Memphis. I hope you come back to check out our stories!