Battle Buddy

Do you have someone in your life that is your "person?" Your "BFF?" Maybe you have a "battle buddy." What is a battle buddy? Well, a battle buddy is someone you meet in the military and you share various experiences with--someone that "has your six." This relationship can last well after a deployment has ended. 

Sam is pictured below with one of his battle buddies.

 Now, the Army did not assign Memphis to be Sam's battle buddy. What is so unique about the relationships formed between battle buddies is that it is a strong bond that cannot be broken. Memphis has a leash that reads "Battle Buddy." We found it in Florida while we were visiting the Pensacola Naval Aviation Museum (and yes, I know that podium is a Navy one). We saw the leash at the gift shop and my first thought was, "oh, we have to get that!"

Sam served in the Army for 12 years. During that time he met a lot of people. I would go as far to say he has several battle buddies. Due to the nature of war, some of those soldiers never made it home, and some came home but struggled with the civilian world. I've had the opportunity to meet two of Sam's closest battle buddies. I can tell you that those men share a bond with Sam that I may never understand, and that's okay. Those men went through situations that some of us cannot even fathom. While distance separates them, I know they are always there for Sam. When they get to talk to one another, its like they have never missed a beat. If they get to see each other in person (one is in the Chicago area, the other near Nashville, TN), well, laughter, stories, and good times ensue. Their families have become friends to me as well, welcoming me in, even if I seemed like an outsider.

I'm post-war wife. Sam and I were not married while he was deployed. I haven't experienced what it is like to watch him leave for a tour. I haven't been able to welcome him home from a tour. We didn't live on a military base, and I didn't meet a group of military wives to form a bond with.  When I met Sam, he was working at SIU as a Peer Support Specialist with the VA. He was working with student-veterans. I can tell you I have witnessed the affects of three combat tours. I have been there when Sam has received calls to say that a soldier has taken his life. I have seen the ups and downs of anxiety, trauma, and stress.

I guess you could say that without having experienced war, we are battle buddies in a sense. We are going to do everything we can to battle PTSD. Do you have someone in your life that has been with you through thick and thin? Been with you at your worst, watched you grow and become your best?

There were times I worried about Sam while he was going to work. What kind of day would he have? How many triggers would there be? Would a Veteran cause Sam to have a bad memory while they were talking? What if he was so anxious and worried that he would not leave his office? I knew that his job caused triggers and was stressful at times, but at times I didn't know how bad it could be...

Then Memphis came into Sam's life. And a bond, just like a soldier would have with a battle buddy was formed. They spent three whole weeks together, getting to know one another in training. They were working, learning, talking, bonding...

They go to work together five days a week. If Sam has to travel for work to visit Veterans outside of the VA campus, Memphis travels too. Sometimes the weather does not cooperate and Memphis may get a day off (if it is too rainy). When Sam goes to class at SIU, Memphis goes to class at SIU. He will sit under a desk at work, or beside Sam in class. Sometimes people will comment, "I didn't even see a dog there!"

I feel so comfortable knowing that Sam has Memphis with him every day. I know if anxiety creeps in, he's got someone to decrease his stress. I know they have conversations on the way to work and the way home. Memphis has met many people, and even if it is a brief encounter, he makes their day better. When Sam's voice changes, or he uses a certain body language, Memphis knows and he can alert Sam by tapping on his leg, arm, or giving him a nudge--encouraging and offering support much like a battle buddy.

I read an article by James Dunz, and he said, "We should never underestimate the power of our actions. With one small gesture, we can change a person's outlook...So what does it mean to be a battle buddy? It could mean saving a life."

I believe those battle buddies from Sam's time in the military helped save his life...I believe that the work of This Able Veteran saves Veteran's lives. I believe that Memphis is a battle buddy... his outlook on life and the way he cares for Sam; his reaction when he sees him, well, it changed Sam's outlook...and Memphis saved Sam's life.

Memphis is pictured here, at his grandparent's house. With a little smile on his face. My mind and heart are at ease on a daily basis due to this fella. 

This Able Veteran (part one)

www.thisableveteran.org

My husband Sam, Memphis, and I took a little road trip to St. Louis a few weeks ago. We decided to hit our favorite restaurant, Twisted Ranch http://twistedranch.com/index.html, and one of our favorite stores, IKEA.

While roaming through IKEA, a woman approached us and asked, "Excuse me, where did you get your dog?" Now, this was a first. Normally people are trying to touch, or stare, or even say things like, "that man has a dog so he can be comfortable!" We've never heard someone ask where Memphis is from...

So, we moved out of the aisle, and Sam began telling the woman and her husband about This Able Veteran. You see, this organization does tremendous work for our Veterans. Not only do they train service dogs for Veterans, but they also work with the Veterans to cope and process their trauma.

Our knowledge of TAV was pretty simple at first. Since they are a local organization to us (about 20 minutes from our house), we heard of the organization. We supported their fundraising events by purchasing t-shirts, going to paring ceremonies, and even making donations. Volunteers and trainers would be out and about with service dogs in training and we would stop by and see them.

When Sam decided to apply for a service dog we had a lot of conversations about it...we prayed about it. This was a major step in his life, and in his recovery from three deployments (2 to Iraq, 1 to Afghanistan). The military played a major role in Sam's life, and in his current position with the VA, that role was still a major player in the form of memories, setbacks, triggers, anxiety, the list could go on...

It got so uncomfortable for Sam to be in public, big crowd situations like sporting events, concerts, movies, he tried to fake being comfortable, but he was always sensitive to consider how we, his family, felt, and what we wanted to do. He wore a mask and he wore it well.

Back to that application, or moment to apply--we had a rough family vacation. Big crowd, loud noises, almost claustrophobic in a sense. That was it, it was a major wake up call that in order to function with family or friends, he had to be comfortable in his surroundings and even in his own skin. I remember going back to our hotel that night in tears because there was nothing I could do to make the situation better. Nothing to ease the pain of feeling overwhelmed, remembering missions, thinking of soldiers lost, who never came home. Nothing I could do to take that pain away. I felt helpless...and if I felt that way, well, I can only imagine how Sam felt.

Once we got home from our 4th of July vacation, we had a major talk. Therapy was okay, but was that enough? Breathing techniques were useful, but did they really help? Keeping a coin around to have in hand was nice, but a coin, really? I was not always with Sam 24/7, but surely we could consider a service dog and that would help? So, he dowloaded the application, we talked about it, and in just a few short weeks it was mailed off to the TAV facility...and this is just part one of the process.