No Photography, Please.

Saturday was a "unicorn" day for sure. I mean everyone (at least it seemed everyone) we encountered in St. Charles watched, stared, pointed, talked "baby talk," followed, and even tried to take pictures of Memphis...

I wrote a post earlier about feeling as if people are staring holes through you, you know, really staring and watching you? We felt that on Saturday.

Sam and I made a mini-road trip to St. Charles on Saturday. We hoped to catch some of the Christmas spirit with the parade, carolers, festive decorations, and of course, shops. My Christmas spirit quickly dwindled as we walked around the streets, in and out of stores, and eventually to a spot for the parade.

I think my first indication of how it was going to be a unicorn day was when I heard four women baby talk Memphis.

"Baaaaaaaaabbbbbbeeeeee doggggggiiiiiieeee."
"Pwretty wittle puppy wuppyyyyy."
"Baaaabeee dog!"
"Pwecious dog! A service dogggggggg."

Stop that.

Don't "baby talk" to service dogs, please.

Did I say that out loud?  No. Did I say it in my head? You bet.

A few people would say "DOG!" very loudly as we walked down the streets. And when we saw people with their pets, no one shouted out "DOG!" to them. Odd.

We went in a few stores and people asked to pet Memphis...this was such a high stimulus area that Sam said, "no, I'm sorry he's working right now." We got a few scowls.

One woman even gave us "the look." You know, like, "what on earth are you doing with a dog in here?" And then finally I realized she was watching us about to say, "no dogs," and I said, "he's a service dog" (with a smile) and she went away.

The icing on the cake was when Sam went into a dog treat/toy store. This shop was so neat, and so crowded on our first stop by that we were in and out (plus that's where the women went goo-goo gaa-gaa over Memphis). He asked if I would sit across the street while he ran in real quick.

So, this is something that happens from time to time...if we are out together and Sam goes to the restroom, Memphis gets to sit with me, if Sam has to run out to the car, Memphis stays with me. This was no different. I had Memphis by me, he was sitting (being a very good boy), and a woman walked up to us and attempted to take his picture...

We both had our eyes fixed on the store, waiting for Sam, and then when I looked away from the store, this woman was standing almost right in front of us with her phone directly in front of Memphis.

Me: "I'm sorry, are you attempting to take a photo of my husband's service dog?" (With a very confused look)

Woman: "YES! I AM!" (What the???)

Me: "I would appreciate it if you didn't, I mean, I wouldn't just stop in front of you and take a picture, let alone take it without asking you."

Woman: "Well this dog looks JUST LIKE MY SISTER'S DOG! I mean, IDENTICAL! But my sister's dog is a hoss, so much bigger and fatter! I can't get over how little this lab is!"

Me: "Then your sister's dog looks nothing like this service dog. Maybe your sister does have a lab, but this particular dog you are wanting to take a picture of is not like your sister's. This is a working service dog for my husband who will be back any minute."

**Side note: I swear it took Sam an hour to get in and out of this store...but really it was like 10 minutes. The longest 10 minutes of my life.**

Woman: "Oh a service dog! Well, what's wrong with him?"

Me: (Assuming she means the dog and not Sam since he's not around) "Absolutely nothing is wrong with this dog. He's highly trained for my husband, and we are just out and about visiting the area trying to enjoy our day."

At this point she put her phone away. I was so caught off guard by this because to my knowledge, no one has ever tried to photograph Memphis. Maybe they have and we didn't know it, but I'd never encountered anyone who just held their phone out and made it very obvious they were trying to take his picture.

My eyes were opened to how difficult it can be for Sam to navigate daily life with Memphis. I know he felt uncomfortable at times and as if all eyes were on him, but I was so proud of him for focusing on Memphis, doing breathing exercises, and the looks that he would give Memphis and vice versa... and well...all that crap seemed to go away.

And in my head I was repeating these phrases Saturday:
"Not today Satan."
"Not today annoying people."
"Not today people who are staring."
"Not today people who act like they haven't seen a dog, ever."

Sam and I had a saying before he got Memphis.  If we were going to be in a situation that may have been difficult, we would try it. We'd often say: "Let's try it, and if it doesn't work out, then we try again another time." This went for parades, concerts, games, events where there would be a lot of people and perhaps cause high anxiety...and I remembered that on Saturday.

Pre-Memphis visit to holiday St. Charles would have been bad. There were a lot of people in close quarters. I'm not sure that it would have been enjoyable for Sam. I think his anxiety would have been through the roof, and he probably would have tried to keep a coin in his hands. I think if people got too close he would have been ready to leave a store, or go sit and wait for me while I went to shop. There probably would have been a lot of pacing, maybe even talk of going straight home.

On Saturday I saw Memphis and Sam working together as a team. I saw them strengthen their bond. I even got teary eyed---(fyi, I'm a sap, a cryer, I can tear up at the drop of a hat) because Saturday was a struggle, but never once did Sam appear flustered. Sure, he was annoyed with comments, but we can tune those out. I know he wasn't thrilled about some of the crowds, but he said it best, "it is okay--we made it--we are a team."

Indeed we are. We are family. We take care of one another. My Grinch heart started to grow again, after feeling defeated and thinking this was a bad idea for a road trip...and sometimes you just have to say, "no photography, please" and go about your day.

We loaded up and headed out for a day in the city...Memphis is either photo bombing us, or posing for our road trip photo. 

Don't Rain on My Parade

It has been said that occasional anxiety is part of life. Maybe you feel anxious with a situation at work. I had test anxiety as a student because I worried that once I sat down to take a test all the information would just disappear. Perhaps you've been anxious when making a life changing decision. Maybe you live with anxiety deep down every day...

My husband's anxiety comes and goes. While it has been easier since Memphis, "pre-Memphis" anxiety was a major challenge. One that I wanted to throat punch. I hated that there were times I could do absolutely nothing for Sam. Signs of anxiety for Sam were not noticeable to me at first. Why? Because Sam was good at hiding how he felt at times. Things or signs that I finally realized were due to be anxious or somewhat related to PTSD:

A big one: crowds. Sam was not (and still is not at times) a fan. Too many people in one place, especially when there's no visible exit in place = not good. Anxiety to find an exit, not looking behind at the "crowd," people being too close (as if they are breathing down your neck)--no bueno.

Last year we decided to go to the Carbondale Lights Fantastic Parade. A night out with the family--a night to get into the Christmas spirit.  We loaded up the kids, blankets, hot chocolate, and we planned to meet my parents at the parade.

But there's one problem. People go to parades. And people come out in DROVES for parades...or so it seems.

We had the PERFECT spot, close to the road, and we set up camp. Everyone had hot chocolate, a blanket, and we were ready. Then, the worst possible scenario started to unfold before my eyes.

Sam became boxed in...people around him (which was us, people he knew), and people RIGHT BEHIND HIM. Here's the thing, Sam cannot stand having people stand right behind him. I know it is uneasy for me, but consider someone who has been in combat surrounded by people who may or may not be the enemy...in your personal space...a stranger...now imagine being surrounded at a parade. I was even uncomfortable and I knew Sam was...

I politely asked the family who moved in on our turf if they could move back a little bit. They had a double stroller. One baby was screaming/crying/unhappy. One was just sitting. The family didn't budge. I waited a few minutes, and saw how uncomfortable Sam was--fidgeting, looking for a coin, trying to do some deep breathing...it just wasn't working. I asked again, and they moved maybe 3 steps over. Still too close. I had to do something. That phrase "don't rain on my parade" was in my head--even if there was no rain, it was a family outing that was slowly slipping away.

The anxiety of the people around us was so bad that Sam had to get up and go away from us--actually he walked over to a parking lot. You can't watch a parade with your family when you are in a parking lot and they are near the edge of a curb. Tally messaged me (thank you, Facebook) and asked how things were. I was on the verge of tears, and all I could think of was "this was a bad idea." Tally found us...after exchanging a few messages and she came over with one of the service dogs in training...

Social media...may not have been the best or smartest post, but I posted something on Facebook about just wanting to enjoy a parade with my family, maybe it was even something about parade etiquette...but, that "rant," was read by someone special...and she reached out. Tally helped us out that night.

"Who is Tally?" you may be wondering...Tally is "my person." Before she became "my person," we knew her as one of the amazing trainers at This Able Veteran. After we found out Sam was going to be in the class, we got to meet some of staff at TAV/Extreme K9. I had no idea that those people would be friends that would become like family.

Tally helped us salvage what was left of the parade, and with tears in my eyes, all I could muster was a whisper of a thank you. She went over to Sam with one of the pups...and for the first time I saw Sam break down. He felt like he let us down...he felt like he ruined the parade...can you imagine? That pup in training helped him more than they both knew that night. And it was then I realized the decision to apply to TAV was the best move Sam could have made.

 I'm pretty sure God knew what he was doing when he placed Tally in our life...and not just Tally, but so many other folks we have met through This Able Veteran.  Tally was so helpful to me, especially when Sam was in training...she would check in with me, let me know how Sam was doing, and sometimes I got pictures of the bonding between Sam and Memphis during those three weeks.

This picture of Tally with Sam and Memphis is adorable (and yes, my husband is wearing sunglasses inside). Tally loves her job. She loves those precious pups as if they were her own. Tally loves the Veterans that she meets. I have seen her in action, working with Memphis and other dogs...and she is dedicated to making Veterans lives better. And of course there's aunt Miranda, aunt Lauren, uncle Jeff,  aunt Jacee, Mama B. Doan, aunt Pam, aunt Michelle...aunt Beth, uncle Chuck...anyone and everyone who's loved on Memphis...it takes a village of people to prepare these dogs to be companions for life for some very deserving Veterans.

How and why does Memphis know what to do? Because of his training. Sam is often asked if he is training Memphis, or if the dog is trained. Memphis was trained by some of the best people I know (see above).  He made public appearances as a pup, learned to pick up on behaviors that a Veteran may exhibit, and eventually learned how to help Sam in a variety of situations. That's right. Memphis was specifically trained for some of Sam's behaviors. Amazing, right?

For the longest time I was so frustrated with myself for not being able to help calm Sam down when he was anxious. I wished there was something I could do, hoped that I could help---I would have even invested in magic wand to make it all go away if I could have...

And then Memphis came into our lives...and he's blessed Sam more than he'll ever know. <3