Five Things to Know about a Veteran/Service Dog Team

I thought I would try something new for this post...I am going to ask Sam if he can give a list or a variety of five things he would like people to know about Veterans or Service Dogs.

Me: "Okay Sam, I'm going to ask you a few things for the blog readers."

Sam: "Pretty much Memphis is awesome?"

Seriously...here we go (these are the real responses from Sam).

1. Veterans are non-traditional adults. They had to be an adult first in some ways more than an adult (does this make sense). Unlike most teens or young people, Veterans had to adapt to an adult lifestyle very quickly and at a young age. In some cases, Veterans have taken more responsibility than adults at a young age.

2.  There is more to a Veteran than the uniform. For example, I put together an art show that allowed people to see that Veterans can be artistic and show/express a creative side, one that may show what their war expereinces. Veterans are more than "things they carry," we carry more than an image--fathers, wives, electricians, teachers--once the uniform goes on those seem to disappear. Veterans are unique and have a lot of various hobbies and expereinces.

3.  Just because a Veteran has a service dog it does not make them any less of a person. Service dogs are a tool, a way to help Veterans adapt to a new lifestyle that they lost, brainwashed out of--like brainwashed through PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), TBI (traumatic brain injury), or even what the military imposes on men and women.

4.  Sometimes people don't realize that dogs need days off. Like today, Memphis stayed home with "mom" to do some DIY projects. People at work asked where he was...I guarantee people at work don't ask where I am when I'm off, or not there. Memphis works hard through the week, and I can tell if he's sort of had it, or if he just needs a break. Maybe he just wants to lay on the couch, ya know.

5.  One of my favorite things to do with Memphis is walk at work. So, at the VA we have a track/walking path, and he gets to walk on lunch with me. I love it when he runs off, then he comes back and tries to juke me, then he will nudge my right leg. It is like our little fun time, and I love that he runs full speed and slows up a little when he gets to me.  It is our time to talk, to relax. We talk about work or what we will do when we get home. I like that he has a good personality.

*There you have it. Five things Sam would like you to know about what it is like being a Veteran with a service dog. I had fun talking with him, and I hope we can do another "five things" again sometime soon.

We are so blessed. I love hearing Sam talk about his days with Memphis--what they did at work, their drive to work and home. Seeing them interact is a joy--they light up my life.

Determined.

The word determined can be defined as having a strong feeling that you are going to do something and you will not allow anyone or anything to stop you; no difficulties will stand in your way.

Sam is determined to finish strong this semester in grad school.

This week we have been determined to get our work done and survive. Grad school can be challenging. I spent many nights working on papers, researching, reading, add into that mix grading papers, and also being with my family. I thought I would never graduate. I had the best cheerleader in Sam...encouraging me, reading my work, talking me out of quitting or giving up...he was determined to help me succeed and finish strong.

Sam has been working every night this week on his paper and studying for his class. This is a big deal. Normally we are in bed by 9:30, 10:00 every night...but Sam's bed time has been a lot later due to studying and working on his final.

Why am I making such a big deal about grad school, studying, and determination?

Imagine having a TBI  (traumatic brain injury) that has caused you to have little to no short-term memory. Think about how often you would have to make notes for yourself, put reminders in your phone, set alarms, ask your significant other to remind you to do something. Imagine trying to read 25+ pages for a class, and then having what you read sort of disappear or come back to you in bits and pieces. With little to no short term memory, studying can be a challenge.

Sam makes notes, he highlights sections in textbooks, and then sometimes he types the notes up to review them...anything to remember or make studying easier.

I have watched him grow into a very determined person in two years. When I first met Sam he was outgoing, but yet I could tell there were times that he may have felt like giving up. He wasn't a fan of working 40 hours a week and taking classes for his Master's in between. He wasn't a fan of going into the office to study for finals, a test, or working on a paper. But, he was determined to finish that degree. I admire him for his work ethic and for his determination to succeed despite having some setbacks.

Sam's undergrad was interrupted a few times by deployment orders. He would start a semester, get orders, and have to leave. When he would come back, he tried to get back into the swing of school. Imagine how challenging that could be--moving from one community to the other---the military community always looming, but yet needing to fit into the college community and less structured environment of a college campus.

A semester would begin, and deployment orders would come again.

Three times he was shifted between two worlds.

When we talked about Sam applying for a service dog through This Able Veteran, he was determined to work on processing his trauma and getting a hold on PTSD. When he entered the three week trauma resiliency program, he was determined. He has worked hard to accomplish so much after three deployments and being medevac'd out of Afghanistan. He graduated with his bachelor's degree, he works in Behavior Health at the VA, and he is working on completing his Master's degree.

He's one of the most determined people I know. I know that he can do anything he puts his mind to, with the love and support from his family, and of course, sweet Memphis.

Can I Pet Your Dog?

When I started noticing people would say things about Sam, Memphis, or service dogs, I started keeping track of those things---now, I realize that may seem super weird or odd, but honestly, some of the phrases, questions, and comments were unbelievable. I mean, if we thought about them later, we would laugh because we couldn't believe what some people would say...out loud...

A question that a lot of people ask is "can I pet your dog?" This is a tough one. While it may seem harmless, there have been people who flat out get mad when Sam says, "no, I'm sorry he's working."

Yep. You read that correctly--people get mad when Sam says no.

And I'm sorry, but he has every right to say no.

Service dogs are working dogs. When Memphis is in "uniform," or in his vest, he is working. There are some situations where he needs to be completely focused on Sam and Sam needs to be completely focused on him. Just like kids can sometimes be distracted, Memphis can get distracted too.

It is so hard to say "no" sometimes...but, to be honest, that is Sam's call as the owner/handler. Cute little kids who just want to say hi to a doggy, people who are in awe that Sam has a dog in public, total strangers, people we know, friends, family, and yes, even our kids...sometimes they all get a "no, he's working." Or, even a "no, not right now."

But even that response (which is always meant in a kind, polite way) makes people mad.

This is a situation that always makes me feel uncomfortable and a little confused for a few reasons, one of them being that I can't figure out why someone would be mad that they can't pet a working dog...

Here's how we started to think of this situation (when we are asked)...

If you saw a disabled person in a wheelchair, would you walk up to them and ask if they could get up so you could have a ride in their wheelchair? I don't think so.

If you saw someone walking with a cane or walker, would you try to take it from them so you could just see what it was like to use a cane or walker? I certainly hope not.

Just like those tools are for those folks who need them, Memphis is that tool for Sam. While I hate to say that (by comparing Memphis to a wheelchair, cane, or walker), Sam needs Memphis like someone who needs a wheelchair.  And even if it seems silly to think of it in that way, it is sort of true.

What some people don't understand is that while Veterans may seem fine in appearance (having their limbs, no visible injuries or scars from war) is that they may not have visible wounds...they may have invisible wounds.

I know what you're thinking...did she just say that some Veterans have "invisible wounds?"

Yes I did.

Invisible wounds are ones that we cannot see---like PTSD, TBI, or moral injury. Those are very real wounds of war. They exist, and they can be hidden deep down in a Veteran.

Am I saying all Veterans suffer from invisible wounds? No.

However, there are Veterans who suffer from PTSD, TBI, and moral injury. And while those injuries may not be visible to the eye, they are real. I heard a man say that for a Veteran who may suffer from TBI that it is like "adult shaken baby syndrome." I nearly lost it. How could someone say that? Were they hit by IED's? Did their truck blow up? TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) can happen when a bump, blow, jolt, or other head injury causes damage to the brain. How do I know this? Sam has TBI as the result of IED (Improvised Explosive Device) blasts from three combat tours.

There are times when we are out in public and Sam has to focus on Memphis as if he is the only thing in a room. At times, Memphis acts as if Sam is the only human around. When there are a lot of people around, random hands will be going toward Memphis...and that is a hard one...to stop someone in the process of trying to pet Memphis when he is working.

I realize some of you who read this may think, "wow, they don't want us to touch or see Memphis." Or, some of you may wonder, "do they ever let anyone touch him?" I'll say this---it is always Sam's call. If you see us out, and you want to say hello, please ask to pet Memphis. If you see anyone with a service dog, and you are curious, just say hello, and always ask if it is okay to pet the dog.

Some service dogs have a patch on their vest that reads "Working Dog DO NOT PET." That's not a slam to people who love dogs. That isn't a mean thing to put on a vest. That is the owner/handler's choice. I also know that it is so tempting to see a service dog and want to pet them. Just remember, they are working, and they should not be distracted.

There's a meme that has circulated and every time I see it, I laugh...so I will share it with you all.

 This is true! Service dogs have been trained for a very long time, and have been specifically for a Veteran. While it is soooo tempting to just reach down and pet a service dog if you see one, consider asking first. If you ask and are told no, please don't be upset, but know you could ask again at another time. 

We are so grateful for all of our friends and family who love Memphis! Believe it or not, your understanding of how important his work is makes our transition with him in our home and lives easier. Thank you for understanding (and thank you for loving him)!

So, you're starting a blog about a dog...

My husband Sam, pictured with his service dog, Memphis in April 2016

For as long as I can remember, I loved writing. From printing my name over and over as a child, writing it in cursive with a bubble for a dot over the "i," and of course, trying my best to write my name as sloppily as possible. I love writing stories, notes, lists, essays, heck, I even opted to write a Master's Thesis instead of taking the Comp Exam.

When my husband was paired with his service dog, I began making lists of things people would say to us. Weird right? I used an app called li.st to make notes, complain, and keep track of some of the nice and not so nice things we hear when we are in public with Memphis.

I found that those lists, those notes, they help me. They help me laugh about how people point out the obvious, like shouting, "THAT MAN HAS A DOG!!" Yes, yes he does. They help me remember what we hear, and in a way, they help me refocus my thoughts to educate and provide information to people about service dogs...thus, a blog was created!

Why does my husband have a service dog? Because he is a Veteran who suffers from PTSD and TBI. He wanted a service dog so he could feel like a person again, a person he'd lost when he was deployed.

Since Memphis has been part of our family for seven months now, some of the posts will back track to how Memphis became part of our family, the process my husband went through in terms of receiving a service dog, opportunities we've had since Memphis has been in our family, and of course, your daily dose of doggy cuteness. I'll also post links to the organization that helped my husband, give information about service dogs, and how to talk to Veterans who have a service dog.

So, this is our journey with Memphis. I hope you come back to check out our stories!