Can I Pet Your Dog?

When I started noticing people would say things about Sam, Memphis, or service dogs, I started keeping track of those things---now, I realize that may seem super weird or odd, but honestly, some of the phrases, questions, and comments were unbelievable. I mean, if we thought about them later, we would laugh because we couldn't believe what some people would say...out loud...

A question that a lot of people ask is "can I pet your dog?" This is a tough one. While it may seem harmless, there have been people who flat out get mad when Sam says, "no, I'm sorry he's working."

Yep. You read that correctly--people get mad when Sam says no.

And I'm sorry, but he has every right to say no.

Service dogs are working dogs. When Memphis is in "uniform," or in his vest, he is working. There are some situations where he needs to be completely focused on Sam and Sam needs to be completely focused on him. Just like kids can sometimes be distracted, Memphis can get distracted too.

It is so hard to say "no" sometimes...but, to be honest, that is Sam's call as the owner/handler. Cute little kids who just want to say hi to a doggy, people who are in awe that Sam has a dog in public, total strangers, people we know, friends, family, and yes, even our kids...sometimes they all get a "no, he's working." Or, even a "no, not right now."

But even that response (which is always meant in a kind, polite way) makes people mad.

This is a situation that always makes me feel uncomfortable and a little confused for a few reasons, one of them being that I can't figure out why someone would be mad that they can't pet a working dog...

Here's how we started to think of this situation (when we are asked)...

If you saw a disabled person in a wheelchair, would you walk up to them and ask if they could get up so you could have a ride in their wheelchair? I don't think so.

If you saw someone walking with a cane or walker, would you try to take it from them so you could just see what it was like to use a cane or walker? I certainly hope not.

Just like those tools are for those folks who need them, Memphis is that tool for Sam. While I hate to say that (by comparing Memphis to a wheelchair, cane, or walker), Sam needs Memphis like someone who needs a wheelchair.  And even if it seems silly to think of it in that way, it is sort of true.

What some people don't understand is that while Veterans may seem fine in appearance (having their limbs, no visible injuries or scars from war) is that they may not have visible wounds...they may have invisible wounds.

I know what you're thinking...did she just say that some Veterans have "invisible wounds?"

Yes I did.

Invisible wounds are ones that we cannot see---like PTSD, TBI, or moral injury. Those are very real wounds of war. They exist, and they can be hidden deep down in a Veteran.

Am I saying all Veterans suffer from invisible wounds? No.

However, there are Veterans who suffer from PTSD, TBI, and moral injury. And while those injuries may not be visible to the eye, they are real. I heard a man say that for a Veteran who may suffer from TBI that it is like "adult shaken baby syndrome." I nearly lost it. How could someone say that? Were they hit by IED's? Did their truck blow up? TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) can happen when a bump, blow, jolt, or other head injury causes damage to the brain. How do I know this? Sam has TBI as the result of IED (Improvised Explosive Device) blasts from three combat tours.

There are times when we are out in public and Sam has to focus on Memphis as if he is the only thing in a room. At times, Memphis acts as if Sam is the only human around. When there are a lot of people around, random hands will be going toward Memphis...and that is a hard one...to stop someone in the process of trying to pet Memphis when he is working.

I realize some of you who read this may think, "wow, they don't want us to touch or see Memphis." Or, some of you may wonder, "do they ever let anyone touch him?" I'll say this---it is always Sam's call. If you see us out, and you want to say hello, please ask to pet Memphis. If you see anyone with a service dog, and you are curious, just say hello, and always ask if it is okay to pet the dog.

Some service dogs have a patch on their vest that reads "Working Dog DO NOT PET." That's not a slam to people who love dogs. That isn't a mean thing to put on a vest. That is the owner/handler's choice. I also know that it is so tempting to see a service dog and want to pet them. Just remember, they are working, and they should not be distracted.

There's a meme that has circulated and every time I see it, I laugh...so I will share it with you all.

 This is true! Service dogs have been trained for a very long time, and have been specifically for a Veteran. While it is soooo tempting to just reach down and pet a service dog if you see one, consider asking first. If you ask and are told no, please don't be upset, but know you could ask again at another time. 

We are so grateful for all of our friends and family who love Memphis! Believe it or not, your understanding of how important his work is makes our transition with him in our home and lives easier. Thank you for understanding (and thank you for loving him)!

Giving Hope

 That sweet little chunky pup is none other than Memphis. At the time of the photo, we had no idea the joy and happiness he would bring to our lives. We had no idea that "big country" would give us so much hope.

The photo at the bottom is from the Rotary District 6510 fundraiser, Giving Hope. I just love that--"giving hope." You see, the wonderful Rotary clubs from District 6510 helped raise enough money to sponsor a service dog---can you guess which dog that is?

Memphis wears a Rotary patch on his vest. It was sewn on before he and Sam graduated from This Able Veteran. At the graduation, we were fortunate enough to meet Lane Harvey, a past district governor and an individual who helped get several Rotary clubs involved. What made this so special is that our very own local Rotary chapter in Carterville was heavily involved.

Rotary serves others---they even have a "4-Way Test": "Is it the Truth? Is it Fair to all concerned? Will it build Goodwill and Friendships? Will it be beneficial to all concerned?" We've met some amazing folks who are so generous and giving--with such kind hearts that they really live out the Rotary motto: "service above self."

How wonderful to know that individuals like Phil Gillespe, Jim Koonce, Brian Flath, Lane Harvey, Woody Almind, Dave Matthews, and many, many other individuals whose names I either can't remember or do not know, care so much about our Veterans and the work of This Able Veteran.

Through volunteers, donations from individuals and businesses, This Able Veteran (and Rotary District 6510) gives hope. How? By the donations, the training of the dogs, and even the volunteers and folks who help make the three-week training program for Veterans run, these people give selflessly of their time, their money, and they help support Veterans.

Did you know that TAV depends on volunteers and donations from businesses and individuals? They receive no government support, but because of the generosity of others they can provide service dogs, a trauma resiliency program, and travel, food, lodging at no charge to Veterans. Yes, you read that correctly: at no charge to Veterans.

I believe that a dog can be man's best friend. I believe in a healing power between humans and canines, and I believe in hope...I can tell you that there are Veterans who struggle with PTSD. They are afraid to go out in public, in large crowds. They can be overwhelmed with daily tasks, sometimes even having triggers at work. I can tell you that some Veterans want to hide and wear a mask because they don't want to burden or make others uncomfortable just because they have an invisible wound of war.

I believe that it takes a village to prep, train, and educate these dogs and their Veterans. Did you know that a $10 donation could feed a service dog in training for a week? Or that a $100 donation provides a service dog vest? Those small gestures, they mean so much...and they give so much hope...

Did Sam have hope during the weeks and months waiting to hear if he was going to be in the TAV April 2016 class? Yes. Do we have desires for certain things to happen in our lives? Yes, at times. Did we wish, pray, and plan at times for what our lives would be like with a service dog? Absolutely.

By giving hope, I truly believe that we can better the lives of Veterans. There's so much I want to share with you all about how much better things are for Sam. How daily tasks seem like a breeze at times, how Memphis can help if a trigger or memory comes to light...and I will. But for now, it is important to tell you all that we hoped, we prayed, we believed in a cause...and friends, I can tell you, this organization gives hope. The major contributors, like Rotary District 6510...they give hope...and because of the kindness of some people we may never meet, the generosity of people who believe in helping Veterans return home, life is good. Life is very good.

Our kids have asked us "what do you want for Christmas?" Now, as a mom that works full time, I could come up with a big list--a spa day, a pair of comfortable shoes, an iTunes gift card...but honestly, I have amazing gifts in my life. I am blessed. It would be so nice to bless others, as we have been blessed...

So, when asked, my answer is, "I would like people to donate to TAV. I want a Veteran to be blessed like Sam has been, and our family has" because this journey isn't Sam's alone, we are in this together.

If you feel the need to help provide food for a service dog, a leash and collar, or a vest,  or maybe you want to donate in honor of someone, consider donating to This Able Veteran. There are so many Veterans who have yet to really "come home" from their deployment(s)...there are Veterans who deserve a chance to have hope.

Please visit www.thisableveteran.org to learn more about the program, the people who make it happen, and how to donate.