A Special Gift

Have you stressed over what to buy someone? Buying gifts or giving gifts,  can be especially challenging if you have someone in your life that is "hard to buy for." Gifts are so fun for children to open, I will admit, I loved watching the kids open their gifts on Christmas morning. Have you ever received a gift that really wasn't something you wanted? I think the adage "it's better to give than to receive" is frequently heard throughout the holidays. Due to the hustle and bustle of this time of year, it is easy to forget how rewarding simple gestures of kindness and giving can be.

Yesterday I received an incredibly thoughtful and unexpected gift from someone. I was at a loss for words (which is a little unusual for me at times), and I even cried. Have you ever received something so special that you are just a little overcome with emotion? This gift was so kind...I just couldn't believe it--so here's a little bit of the story.

Thursday afternoon I received a Facebook message from a friend saying, "Hi! So, I bought you a present because I really like what you're doing with your blog..."

Insert my "I'm incredibly shocked face" and some major tears.

"I went ahead and registered www.walkingwithmemphis.com for you for the next two years. That way, you can close the .blogspot and give your exceptional blog a more professional look."

Insert more tears, my hand covering my mouth, and the words "is this real life?" and "oh my word--exceptional blog?"

Indeed, this is real life. I'm very proud to say that now, dear readers, you'll be able to find this blog with a dot com address---a new URL just for this blog will be up at www.walkingwithmemphis.com

"This is just a gift."

This is so much more than a gift. You see, starting this blog has been a dream or at least a lingering thought for some time now. I've had a few ideas of wanting to write about various experiences like going back to school to finish my bachelor's degree after 9 years off, going to grad school immediately after finishing that bachelor's degree, but this blog about Memphis and life with my Veteran has been on my heart and mind.

So, without much thinking, planning, or research, I started using Blogger and the rest you know as "history" or you know by reading these posts...

I now have the opportunity to share this blog with so many...and I am so excited! I have a lot of ideas, I have a lot of ideas for posts tucked away, I'm working on a logo, I'm hoping to get guest bloggers, interviews, and even some videos and other websites to post that will provide information to Veterans, spouses, family members, and those who are interested in service dogs and Veterans. These big dreams will be a reality---and I still can't believe it.

I'm so thankful for this amazing gift--it means more to me than the gift giver knows. I hope that you'll continue on this journey with me because I believe that big things are going to happen! This URL/domain helps me continue this journey and I count that as a blessing, as well as a gift I will never forget.

What does this mean for this site where you can read these posts? Well, it is going to be merged to the new URL. So, because of the holiday (Happy New Year, btw), and looking to get some tech help for this, it may be a few days before a post is made. Once the new site is up and running, I'll announce on social media, and of course, continue to share links to the blog posts.

Talk about blessed---we have such wonderful gifts in our life: Memphis, our kids, our family, our friends...health, a roof over our heads, so many to list...these are all so special, and now we can add this one to our list as well.

This is such an exciting time! So, to close, I'd like to thank this wonderful person.

Dear gift giver,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I promise that the content comes from my heart, and the stories, emotions, they are real. Sometimes the content comes with tears because it is a tough memory or subject, but I want to share our story. This opportunity to share our story may help someone else, it may open a door for someone. Your kindness is just awesome. With your help and guidance, I think that this blog can really make a difference. Thank you for believing in me and thank you ever so much for this most special gift.

With sincerest thanks,
Cathrine (and Sam, and Memphis)

Excited faces! This is how I kept smiling yesterday after getting good news that I'll have a domain for this blog. This photo is actually from our airport reunion after my trip to Denver...where I got wings from our awesome flight attendant on Southwest.

A Journey

I don't profess to know much about anything---I am pretty good at teaching, I can make a mean Shepherd's Pie. The tenth Doctor will always be my favorite, and I love a good British TV show I can stream on Netflix. However, I am passionate about Veterans. I am an advocate for my husband (who is a Veteran), and I want to learn and understand the Veteran experience.

I spent most of my graduate school career reading, listening, talking to, and working with Veterans. These guys and gals came from all walks of life and some were even students in my classroom. When I met my husband, I had no idea that he would fall into some of my work--I read about missions similar to ones he'd been on...I read about loss and death as he would share with me...I learned first hand from a Veteran.

I started this blog with a passion--a passion for sharing a little bit about our life with a service dog. There have been posts that have been very challenging to write (see "Don't Rain on My Parade"), and there have been some that have made me wonder, "why in the world did you write that?" However, I hope I never run out of material. I am passionate about Veterans and service dogs, and the importance of learning about service dogs. I hope I can write about those things and people can understand what life is like for Veterans when they return home from war (with and without a service dog).

Writing is something that has come sort of natural to me...I don't claim to be an expert, nor am I a perfect writer, so at times, this blog will be less than perfect. You'll find some typos, occasional grammar snafus (and I even teach that stuff to college kids)...but no one is perfect. There's no perfect blog, and I'm certainly not a perfect author.

I plan to post daily, but also want to take weekends off. I don't know if the posts will ever come at the same time Monday-Friday, but I will try. I want to share photos of our family, of Memphis, and I hope they are quality photos, and I hope you continue to read, follow, share, and comment on these posts...blogging is a fairly new thing to me, so I am a work in progress, and am learning as I go.

Who knows about this blog? Friends, family, folks on social media...people who might be interested in Veterans or service dogs. Who reads this blog? Friends, family, folks on social media and people interested in Veterans and service dogs I hope. I know at times the posts are sappy, emotional, full of spunk or very real, but that is good. I want you all to see what life is like for us from time to time. I want you to understand the role of a service dog, and how important organizations like This Able Veteran are to Veterans across the U.S.

I have hit delete more times than I can count. I've tried to save posts, and then edited/deleted the whole thing. I let Sam read most of the content before I hit publish. I make mistakes. I might seem rude or like I am complaining, but sometimes this is a way to express myself, express the thoughts we have, and get that out (therapy? Writing is quite therapeutic).

So, what can you expect to find? Our journey. Our life with Memphis. Our ups, downs, happy times, sad times, good times, bad times...a little bit of everything. My goal is to reach a lot of folks--to interview other Veterans, talk to their spouses, work on asking trainers some questions, give you insight to our life with Memphis, dogs, and kids. This is our story, and it is a pleasure and privilege to write and share it.

2017 is around the corner...I look forward to what that has to offer--the journey--the challenge--the ups, downs...every single thing 2017 has to offer...why? 2016 was pretty good (okay, all the celebrity deaths have slowly drained parts of my childhood, but...), 2016 was good for me.

Please stick with me...I am trying new things as a "blogger" and am working out kinks that I didn't know about when I first started posting. I promise the content comes from the heart and means the world to me...

 Never good at selfies, but I managed to snap one in my office---thank goodness for photo filters!!

This sweet boy has captured my heart--and that smile melts my heart into a big gooey puddle...

When Life Gives You Lemons...

Do you know that phrase, "When life gives you lemons...?" Some people finish it with "make lemonade," or "give them back and ask for chocolate!" The phrase, meant to be used to encourage optimism and help you gain that positive attitude, has been around for a long time. Lemons are meant to represent the sourness in your life.

Do you have sourness in your life? Do you often feel that you've been dealt some lemons? I bet we all have at one time or another.

The holiday season can sometimes make that phrase come to mind. Lemons (sour times) being that we have a lot of family to see over the holidays and not enough time to do it. Or, we can't decide on a good Christmas meal menu (and we always want to have good food at our family gatherings, right?), we wait until the last minute to do our Christmas shopping, we complain about the lines, the people...the list could go on and on...

Some Veterans struggle with the holidays. For the longest time, I didn't understand why Sam said, "Christmas Day is hard for me." I thought maybe he lost a family member around the holidays, or there was a bad family experience that took place one Christmas. I never dreamed it would be due to the military.

Anniversary dates can be difficult for Veterans, or those serving in the military. If you've ever been around Veterans to hear them tell stories, it might get quiet...there might be a moment of reflection or remembrance, and maybe they drift to that very moment they were talking about. Maybe they remember when they lost someone in their unit. Maybe they remember a mission, and those memories can come back at any time, but sometimes memories come on "the anniversary."

Some anniversary dates for military personnel can be the date of their enlistment or retirement, the date(s) they were deployed, dates of soldiers lost, the first time they fired a weapon, the first welcome home and even dates of certain missions...

Christmas Day is an anniversary date for Sam. I know the story and the reason why this is so difficult. It breaks my heart, and I know it weighs on him every Christmas.

However, our holidays will be a little brighter this year. We will be celebrating with our children and extended family, but we also get to celebrate with Memphis.

I know that while difficult memories may come back on Christmas Day for Sam, Memphis will be there for him. That is one of the best Christmas gifts he could ever receive...

There are so many people who are hurting or suffering. At times that seems amplified during the holidays. There are many Veterans who would love to celebrate their holidays with family, but a family gathering might be too much stress. Some Veterans may not have anyone to celebrate with, or may not even want to leave their home. I know there are some Veterans who may dislike the holidays for a variety of reasons, and maybe they have an anniversary date around the holidays too.

So, when life gives you lemons...even if it is during the holidays...I hope that you can make lemonade, trade it in for chocolate, find time to spend with your loved ones, call a friend you haven't talked to in awhile, get coffee with your significant other, enjoy a nice meal around the table, and support the ones you love--even if the holidays are difficult for them for whatever reason. Love. Show it. Live it.

 While the holidays can be hard for some of us, I hope that for just one moment we can embrace the holiday spirit, love one other, forget all of our troubles, be kind to one another, do something kind for someone, and spend time with the ones we love. We get to celebrate with a new loved one this holiday season, and that definitely puts a bright spot in a season that can be so difficult. Here's to no lemons during your holiday season. 

Happy Holidays from the Hoekstra's...human and furry. 

Giving Hope

 That sweet little chunky pup is none other than Memphis. At the time of the photo, we had no idea the joy and happiness he would bring to our lives. We had no idea that "big country" would give us so much hope.

The photo at the bottom is from the Rotary District 6510 fundraiser, Giving Hope. I just love that--"giving hope." You see, the wonderful Rotary clubs from District 6510 helped raise enough money to sponsor a service dog---can you guess which dog that is?

Memphis wears a Rotary patch on his vest. It was sewn on before he and Sam graduated from This Able Veteran. At the graduation, we were fortunate enough to meet Lane Harvey, a past district governor and an individual who helped get several Rotary clubs involved. What made this so special is that our very own local Rotary chapter in Carterville was heavily involved.

Rotary serves others---they even have a "4-Way Test": "Is it the Truth? Is it Fair to all concerned? Will it build Goodwill and Friendships? Will it be beneficial to all concerned?" We've met some amazing folks who are so generous and giving--with such kind hearts that they really live out the Rotary motto: "service above self."

How wonderful to know that individuals like Phil Gillespe, Jim Koonce, Brian Flath, Lane Harvey, Woody Almind, Dave Matthews, and many, many other individuals whose names I either can't remember or do not know, care so much about our Veterans and the work of This Able Veteran.

Through volunteers, donations from individuals and businesses, This Able Veteran (and Rotary District 6510) gives hope. How? By the donations, the training of the dogs, and even the volunteers and folks who help make the three-week training program for Veterans run, these people give selflessly of their time, their money, and they help support Veterans.

Did you know that TAV depends on volunteers and donations from businesses and individuals? They receive no government support, but because of the generosity of others they can provide service dogs, a trauma resiliency program, and travel, food, lodging at no charge to Veterans. Yes, you read that correctly: at no charge to Veterans.

I believe that a dog can be man's best friend. I believe in a healing power between humans and canines, and I believe in hope...I can tell you that there are Veterans who struggle with PTSD. They are afraid to go out in public, in large crowds. They can be overwhelmed with daily tasks, sometimes even having triggers at work. I can tell you that some Veterans want to hide and wear a mask because they don't want to burden or make others uncomfortable just because they have an invisible wound of war.

I believe that it takes a village to prep, train, and educate these dogs and their Veterans. Did you know that a $10 donation could feed a service dog in training for a week? Or that a $100 donation provides a service dog vest? Those small gestures, they mean so much...and they give so much hope...

Did Sam have hope during the weeks and months waiting to hear if he was going to be in the TAV April 2016 class? Yes. Do we have desires for certain things to happen in our lives? Yes, at times. Did we wish, pray, and plan at times for what our lives would be like with a service dog? Absolutely.

By giving hope, I truly believe that we can better the lives of Veterans. There's so much I want to share with you all about how much better things are for Sam. How daily tasks seem like a breeze at times, how Memphis can help if a trigger or memory comes to light...and I will. But for now, it is important to tell you all that we hoped, we prayed, we believed in a cause...and friends, I can tell you, this organization gives hope. The major contributors, like Rotary District 6510...they give hope...and because of the kindness of some people we may never meet, the generosity of people who believe in helping Veterans return home, life is good. Life is very good.

Our kids have asked us "what do you want for Christmas?" Now, as a mom that works full time, I could come up with a big list--a spa day, a pair of comfortable shoes, an iTunes gift card...but honestly, I have amazing gifts in my life. I am blessed. It would be so nice to bless others, as we have been blessed...

So, when asked, my answer is, "I would like people to donate to TAV. I want a Veteran to be blessed like Sam has been, and our family has" because this journey isn't Sam's alone, we are in this together.

If you feel the need to help provide food for a service dog, a leash and collar, or a vest,  or maybe you want to donate in honor of someone, consider donating to This Able Veteran. There are so many Veterans who have yet to really "come home" from their deployment(s)...there are Veterans who deserve a chance to have hope.

Please visit www.thisableveteran.org to learn more about the program, the people who make it happen, and how to donate. 

Man's Best Friend

I'm sure you've heard the saying about dogs being man's best friend...well, I can say that I honestly see that on a daily basis.

I believe there's a reason that phrase exists. If you think about it, dogs are loyal. Dogs have a personality, demeanor, they are resilient,  and they love unconditionally. I see that with Sam and Memphis.

I remember the first day they met. Holy tears! Good tears. Happy tears. In just a few short minutes I witnessed pure joy, love, and happiness. If you've met Memphis, you know he is a happy dog. His whole bottom half wags, he goes into a full body wag, and I honestly believe he smiles. 

Can you imagine having a best friend with you all the time? Someone you can talk to about anything--without judgement?  Imagine if you will, what that is like for a Veteran who may feel like they can't open up or talk to someone about their experiences..Imagine if they had a service dog that could fill a void in their life. How wonderful to know there are people working hard to make sure that these dogs are trained for Veterans.

Some of my favorite moments are seeing Memphis and Sam interact. I often wonder what they talk about on the drive to work, over their walks during lunch, and I would give anything to know what Memphis thinks.

One of my favorite things about Memphis is that he is always so happy. He knows when Sam needs some attention and love. If Sam is anxious, Memphis is there to help, alerting him that everything is going to be alright. Memphis is active. He loves to play, loves one of his favorite toys, a stuffed Smore, and sometimes he sleeps with it. He brings joy to everyone he meets, and I truly believe he is Sam's best friend.

This Able Veteran (part one)

www.thisableveteran.org

My husband Sam, Memphis, and I took a little road trip to St. Louis a few weeks ago. We decided to hit our favorite restaurant, Twisted Ranch http://twistedranch.com/index.html, and one of our favorite stores, IKEA.

While roaming through IKEA, a woman approached us and asked, "Excuse me, where did you get your dog?" Now, this was a first. Normally people are trying to touch, or stare, or even say things like, "that man has a dog so he can be comfortable!" We've never heard someone ask where Memphis is from...

So, we moved out of the aisle, and Sam began telling the woman and her husband about This Able Veteran. You see, this organization does tremendous work for our Veterans. Not only do they train service dogs for Veterans, but they also work with the Veterans to cope and process their trauma.

Our knowledge of TAV was pretty simple at first. Since they are a local organization to us (about 20 minutes from our house), we heard of the organization. We supported their fundraising events by purchasing t-shirts, going to paring ceremonies, and even making donations. Volunteers and trainers would be out and about with service dogs in training and we would stop by and see them.

When Sam decided to apply for a service dog we had a lot of conversations about it...we prayed about it. This was a major step in his life, and in his recovery from three deployments (2 to Iraq, 1 to Afghanistan). The military played a major role in Sam's life, and in his current position with the VA, that role was still a major player in the form of memories, setbacks, triggers, anxiety, the list could go on...

It got so uncomfortable for Sam to be in public, big crowd situations like sporting events, concerts, movies, he tried to fake being comfortable, but he was always sensitive to consider how we, his family, felt, and what we wanted to do. He wore a mask and he wore it well.

Back to that application, or moment to apply--we had a rough family vacation. Big crowd, loud noises, almost claustrophobic in a sense. That was it, it was a major wake up call that in order to function with family or friends, he had to be comfortable in his surroundings and even in his own skin. I remember going back to our hotel that night in tears because there was nothing I could do to make the situation better. Nothing to ease the pain of feeling overwhelmed, remembering missions, thinking of soldiers lost, who never came home. Nothing I could do to take that pain away. I felt helpless...and if I felt that way, well, I can only imagine how Sam felt.

Once we got home from our 4th of July vacation, we had a major talk. Therapy was okay, but was that enough? Breathing techniques were useful, but did they really help? Keeping a coin around to have in hand was nice, but a coin, really? I was not always with Sam 24/7, but surely we could consider a service dog and that would help? So, he dowloaded the application, we talked about it, and in just a few short weeks it was mailed off to the TAV facility...and this is just part one of the process.

So, you're starting a blog about a dog...

My husband Sam, pictured with his service dog, Memphis in April 2016

For as long as I can remember, I loved writing. From printing my name over and over as a child, writing it in cursive with a bubble for a dot over the "i," and of course, trying my best to write my name as sloppily as possible. I love writing stories, notes, lists, essays, heck, I even opted to write a Master's Thesis instead of taking the Comp Exam.

When my husband was paired with his service dog, I began making lists of things people would say to us. Weird right? I used an app called li.st to make notes, complain, and keep track of some of the nice and not so nice things we hear when we are in public with Memphis.

I found that those lists, those notes, they help me. They help me laugh about how people point out the obvious, like shouting, "THAT MAN HAS A DOG!!" Yes, yes he does. They help me remember what we hear, and in a way, they help me refocus my thoughts to educate and provide information to people about service dogs...thus, a blog was created!

Why does my husband have a service dog? Because he is a Veteran who suffers from PTSD and TBI. He wanted a service dog so he could feel like a person again, a person he'd lost when he was deployed.

Since Memphis has been part of our family for seven months now, some of the posts will back track to how Memphis became part of our family, the process my husband went through in terms of receiving a service dog, opportunities we've had since Memphis has been in our family, and of course, your daily dose of doggy cuteness. I'll also post links to the organization that helped my husband, give information about service dogs, and how to talk to Veterans who have a service dog.

So, this is our journey with Memphis. I hope you come back to check out our stories!