A Special Gift

Have you stressed over what to buy someone? Buying gifts or giving gifts,  can be especially challenging if you have someone in your life that is "hard to buy for." Gifts are so fun for children to open, I will admit, I loved watching the kids open their gifts on Christmas morning. Have you ever received a gift that really wasn't something you wanted? I think the adage "it's better to give than to receive" is frequently heard throughout the holidays. Due to the hustle and bustle of this time of year, it is easy to forget how rewarding simple gestures of kindness and giving can be.

Yesterday I received an incredibly thoughtful and unexpected gift from someone. I was at a loss for words (which is a little unusual for me at times), and I even cried. Have you ever received something so special that you are just a little overcome with emotion? This gift was so kind...I just couldn't believe it--so here's a little bit of the story.

Thursday afternoon I received a Facebook message from a friend saying, "Hi! So, I bought you a present because I really like what you're doing with your blog..."

Insert my "I'm incredibly shocked face" and some major tears.

"I went ahead and registered www.walkingwithmemphis.com for you for the next two years. That way, you can close the .blogspot and give your exceptional blog a more professional look."

Insert more tears, my hand covering my mouth, and the words "is this real life?" and "oh my word--exceptional blog?"

Indeed, this is real life. I'm very proud to say that now, dear readers, you'll be able to find this blog with a dot com address---a new URL just for this blog will be up at www.walkingwithmemphis.com

"This is just a gift."

This is so much more than a gift. You see, starting this blog has been a dream or at least a lingering thought for some time now. I've had a few ideas of wanting to write about various experiences like going back to school to finish my bachelor's degree after 9 years off, going to grad school immediately after finishing that bachelor's degree, but this blog about Memphis and life with my Veteran has been on my heart and mind.

So, without much thinking, planning, or research, I started using Blogger and the rest you know as "history" or you know by reading these posts...

I now have the opportunity to share this blog with so many...and I am so excited! I have a lot of ideas, I have a lot of ideas for posts tucked away, I'm working on a logo, I'm hoping to get guest bloggers, interviews, and even some videos and other websites to post that will provide information to Veterans, spouses, family members, and those who are interested in service dogs and Veterans. These big dreams will be a reality---and I still can't believe it.

I'm so thankful for this amazing gift--it means more to me than the gift giver knows. I hope that you'll continue on this journey with me because I believe that big things are going to happen! This URL/domain helps me continue this journey and I count that as a blessing, as well as a gift I will never forget.

What does this mean for this site where you can read these posts? Well, it is going to be merged to the new URL. So, because of the holiday (Happy New Year, btw), and looking to get some tech help for this, it may be a few days before a post is made. Once the new site is up and running, I'll announce on social media, and of course, continue to share links to the blog posts.

Talk about blessed---we have such wonderful gifts in our life: Memphis, our kids, our family, our friends...health, a roof over our heads, so many to list...these are all so special, and now we can add this one to our list as well.

This is such an exciting time! So, to close, I'd like to thank this wonderful person.

Dear gift giver,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I promise that the content comes from my heart, and the stories, emotions, they are real. Sometimes the content comes with tears because it is a tough memory or subject, but I want to share our story. This opportunity to share our story may help someone else, it may open a door for someone. Your kindness is just awesome. With your help and guidance, I think that this blog can really make a difference. Thank you for believing in me and thank you ever so much for this most special gift.

With sincerest thanks,
Cathrine (and Sam, and Memphis)

Excited faces! This is how I kept smiling yesterday after getting good news that I'll have a domain for this blog. This photo is actually from our airport reunion after my trip to Denver...where I got wings from our awesome flight attendant on Southwest.

Today My Dad Turns 70...

Today is my dad's 70th birthday. 70. That's big...especially to my dad who lost his own father at the age of 70.

I know this is not a normal post, but my dad has been one of my biggest cheerleaders for...well...all my life. I've loved him my whole life. He has supported me for as long as I can remember. I think it is important to show you all that we have a wonderful support system in our family and friends. Without them, well, I'm not sure we would be where we are today.

I've always been able to talk to my dad about a variety of things...which I guess makes me a "Daddy's Girl." From an early age, he instilled a love of reading in me. I firmly believe that is why I am a teacher, why I studied literature, and why I still love curling up with a good book. I can remember going into my parent's room to lay down beside my dad while he read---I would bring a book in as well.

I've been through a lot of ups and downs in my 36 years, and my dad has been there...probably more times than I can count. Whether it was after a bad grade, a basketball loss, a broken heart, a job change, a divorce...he was there...with open arms. I could always count on my dad to be in my corner.

I know that I am beyond blessed with my dad---and the fact that he and my mom are so close to us (all in the small town of Cambria). We're so lucky that they can help out with the kids, check on the two little dogs (as they don't get to travel with us at times), and of course, be there for us. I know some of my closest friends do not have this--and it makes my heart hurt because of that.

My dad is the oldest of three boys. His parents were some of my favorite people, and the only grandparents I ever knew. He was a railroad guy---having worked on the railroad for the majority of my life. He never missed out on important events in our lives (our being mine and my siblings). He came to my basketball games as a player and as a coach (I even recruited him to keep the scorebook from time to time). He has been there for my kids and has been there for softball/baseball games, school programs, sleepovers at his house, vacations/day trips. He never complains. He goes above and beyond for his family.

When I met Sam, my dad was one of the first people I told...odd, right? Maybe that's something for a mom, girlfriends, etc...but I wanted my dad to know about this amazing guy. When Sam hosted his first Veteran Art Show, my dad went with me. And, that was when Sam, an army guy, felt intimidated by my dad! Ha!

When Sam and I began dating, we had a few dinner dates with my parents. I'm happy to say there was never a dull, awkward silence during those times or in a conversation. My dad and Sam could chat (and still can) about anything. They got along well (and still do), and could talk for hours about history, war, and sports (among other things).

I remember having a conversation with my dad about Sam and PTSD. My dad listened. He didn't judge. He didn't ask questions, he listened. He wanted to know if there was anything he could do to help, or what I did to help when Sam was uncomfortable.  I also remember telling him that he was thinking about applying to This Able Veteran for a service dog. He asked some questions about the program, how that worked, what type of training, what kind of dog...he didn't judge. He was supportive and still is. He listened while I told him about the three weeks of training that Sam would go through--and he even volunteered to cook a meal for the Veterans in the class.

My dad has been through a lot in 70 years. Happy times, sad times, loss of parents and other relatives. Ups and downs with his family, and ups and downs with life. He's a wonderful husband...incredibly supportive of my mom, taking care of her, helping her with daily tasks...I've never seen anything like it.  He works hard (even though he's been retired for a bit), he cares, he listens...he loves. Although he is quiet, he is witty, sharp as a tack, and funny. He's been so supportive, so loving, and so caring to me, Sam, and the kids (of course, the furry kids too)...I just can't imagine our lives without him.

I hope you are fortunate to have a support system in your life. My dad is one of a kind...and I know that some of you have had that type of dad, love, and cheerleader in your life as well.

Today my dad turns 70...Happiest of birthdays, Dad.

Some photos of my dad--the first, with me, after graduation from SIU, and the second--with his catch  (Caden) on Navarre Beach (where we were married in Florida). I think both of those fellas in the photo are a great catch! 

A Journey

I don't profess to know much about anything---I am pretty good at teaching, I can make a mean Shepherd's Pie. The tenth Doctor will always be my favorite, and I love a good British TV show I can stream on Netflix. However, I am passionate about Veterans. I am an advocate for my husband (who is a Veteran), and I want to learn and understand the Veteran experience.

I spent most of my graduate school career reading, listening, talking to, and working with Veterans. These guys and gals came from all walks of life and some were even students in my classroom. When I met my husband, I had no idea that he would fall into some of my work--I read about missions similar to ones he'd been on...I read about loss and death as he would share with me...I learned first hand from a Veteran.

I started this blog with a passion--a passion for sharing a little bit about our life with a service dog. There have been posts that have been very challenging to write (see "Don't Rain on My Parade"), and there have been some that have made me wonder, "why in the world did you write that?" However, I hope I never run out of material. I am passionate about Veterans and service dogs, and the importance of learning about service dogs. I hope I can write about those things and people can understand what life is like for Veterans when they return home from war (with and without a service dog).

Writing is something that has come sort of natural to me...I don't claim to be an expert, nor am I a perfect writer, so at times, this blog will be less than perfect. You'll find some typos, occasional grammar snafus (and I even teach that stuff to college kids)...but no one is perfect. There's no perfect blog, and I'm certainly not a perfect author.

I plan to post daily, but also want to take weekends off. I don't know if the posts will ever come at the same time Monday-Friday, but I will try. I want to share photos of our family, of Memphis, and I hope they are quality photos, and I hope you continue to read, follow, share, and comment on these posts...blogging is a fairly new thing to me, so I am a work in progress, and am learning as I go.

Who knows about this blog? Friends, family, folks on social media...people who might be interested in Veterans or service dogs. Who reads this blog? Friends, family, folks on social media and people interested in Veterans and service dogs I hope. I know at times the posts are sappy, emotional, full of spunk or very real, but that is good. I want you all to see what life is like for us from time to time. I want you to understand the role of a service dog, and how important organizations like This Able Veteran are to Veterans across the U.S.

I have hit delete more times than I can count. I've tried to save posts, and then edited/deleted the whole thing. I let Sam read most of the content before I hit publish. I make mistakes. I might seem rude or like I am complaining, but sometimes this is a way to express myself, express the thoughts we have, and get that out (therapy? Writing is quite therapeutic).

So, what can you expect to find? Our journey. Our life with Memphis. Our ups, downs, happy times, sad times, good times, bad times...a little bit of everything. My goal is to reach a lot of folks--to interview other Veterans, talk to their spouses, work on asking trainers some questions, give you insight to our life with Memphis, dogs, and kids. This is our story, and it is a pleasure and privilege to write and share it.

2017 is around the corner...I look forward to what that has to offer--the journey--the challenge--the ups, downs...every single thing 2017 has to offer...why? 2016 was pretty good (okay, all the celebrity deaths have slowly drained parts of my childhood, but...), 2016 was good for me.

Please stick with me...I am trying new things as a "blogger" and am working out kinks that I didn't know about when I first started posting. I promise the content comes from the heart and means the world to me...

 Never good at selfies, but I managed to snap one in my office---thank goodness for photo filters!!

This sweet boy has captured my heart--and that smile melts my heart into a big gooey puddle...

Is it 2017 yet?

How many of you are ready for 2017 to be here? Can you believe that this year is almost over? Are you thinking or saying, "is it 2017 yet?"

With recent celebrity deaths, tragedies we see on the news, and daily events, some people are over 2016. I know I have had my moments of wanting to shove 2016 out the door, but I also have had moments of wanting to hug 2016 as well.

I have been reflecting and have to say that I am happy/pleased with the results of this year...we have been through a lot with our family, and I really am grateful for all the ups and downs, the good, the bad, happy, sad, laughter, tears..it has shaped us, and I think in a way, has prepped us for whatever 2017 may offer.

Highlights of 2016 for us...

1. Sam applied to This Able Veteran. He was accepted into the April 2016 class and graduated with Memphis.

2.  We were engaged in December 2015, and married on the beach June 14, 2016.

3.  I graduated (finally) from graduate school! Sam, Memphis, my dad Jim, and my friends Aubrey and Tally attended my defense and listened to me babble/answer questions about my work.

4.  Kirsten finished a travel ball season with a new team, SI Aftershock...she is now in 14U age group. We met a lot of new families and softball players.

5.  Caden has worked very hard on his reading skills, and is a Harry Potter fan...tackling the books.

6.  My parents and in-laws were able to travel to Florida with us to celebrate our wedding. This was very special for us as a family.

7. Sam finished another year of graduate school at SIU!

8.  Sam left SIU as did the VITAL program, but he is now housed at the main campus of the Marion VA.

9. I accepted a teaching position at John A. Logan College.

10. We have been blessed with good health!

11. Sam and I had the opportunity to travel for work/school. Sam and Memphis flew to Palo Alto, California, and I flew to Denver, Colorado for a conference.

12. We've been blessed to see many of our family and friends who don't live near us--we love taking road trips and have had the chance to visit (even if it is a day trip) some of our favorite places.

I would also like to add that I had Portillo's twice in 2016 as well...✌

I look forward to 2017 and the opportunities we will have--the blessings to come--and the adventures that await.

As far as blog material, content, and options go, I am looking at broadening the reach of what this blog covers and the people who read. Look for email options to come soon, as well as a daily or weekly update.

We hope that you have a great 2017--we look forward to sharing more expereinces with you all (and of course pictures of Memphis, too!).

Happy Holidays & Happy New Year---here's to 2017!
-The Hoekstra's

Five Things to Know about a Veteran/Service Dog Team

I thought I would try something new for this post...I am going to ask Sam if he can give a list or a variety of five things he would like people to know about Veterans or Service Dogs.

Me: "Okay Sam, I'm going to ask you a few things for the blog readers."

Sam: "Pretty much Memphis is awesome?"

Seriously...here we go (these are the real responses from Sam).

1. Veterans are non-traditional adults. They had to be an adult first in some ways more than an adult (does this make sense). Unlike most teens or young people, Veterans had to adapt to an adult lifestyle very quickly and at a young age. In some cases, Veterans have taken more responsibility than adults at a young age.

2.  There is more to a Veteran than the uniform. For example, I put together an art show that allowed people to see that Veterans can be artistic and show/express a creative side, one that may show what their war expereinces. Veterans are more than "things they carry," we carry more than an image--fathers, wives, electricians, teachers--once the uniform goes on those seem to disappear. Veterans are unique and have a lot of various hobbies and expereinces.

3.  Just because a Veteran has a service dog it does not make them any less of a person. Service dogs are a tool, a way to help Veterans adapt to a new lifestyle that they lost, brainwashed out of--like brainwashed through PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), TBI (traumatic brain injury), or even what the military imposes on men and women.

4.  Sometimes people don't realize that dogs need days off. Like today, Memphis stayed home with "mom" to do some DIY projects. People at work asked where he was...I guarantee people at work don't ask where I am when I'm off, or not there. Memphis works hard through the week, and I can tell if he's sort of had it, or if he just needs a break. Maybe he just wants to lay on the couch, ya know.

5.  One of my favorite things to do with Memphis is walk at work. So, at the VA we have a track/walking path, and he gets to walk on lunch with me. I love it when he runs off, then he comes back and tries to juke me, then he will nudge my right leg. It is like our little fun time, and I love that he runs full speed and slows up a little when he gets to me.  It is our time to talk, to relax. We talk about work or what we will do when we get home. I like that he has a good personality.

*There you have it. Five things Sam would like you to know about what it is like being a Veteran with a service dog. I had fun talking with him, and I hope we can do another "five things" again sometime soon.

We are so blessed. I love hearing Sam talk about his days with Memphis--what they did at work, their drive to work and home. Seeing them interact is a joy--they light up my life.

Stop. Breathe. Smile.

Today I heard a commercial on the radio (yes, the radio) and a few of the lines I can remember were stop, breathe, smile...or something along those lines. The commercial for Pass One Hour Heating and Air was their version of a Christmas card and it has been with me since this morning when I heard it air.

The holidays always bring about some hustle and bustle...and unfortunately they bring about bad manners or bad attitudes in people. I witnessed that today. Sam and I had a quick lunch date at Culver's in Marion. Let's just say that it is really new, and that new hasn't worn off yet.

It was crowded. People stared as we walked in. We actually got a seat, in the middle of the restaurant where a man and woman watched us eat our meal the entire time. I'm honest when I say that every time I would look up or at Sam these people were watching us from their table. I had a moment of "what if I know her?" Nope. Didn't know her.

There was a man sitting next to us at a table for four. No one with him, but his technology and a coffee mug. Behind me a family of three kept searching for a table. This man did not move. Not that he had to I suppose, but surely he could have offered his table?

We ate so quickly, I think Sam felt as if he were back in a chow hall. It was so uncomfortable that we didn't talk much, we tried to eat as quickly as we could and get out. Sam kept one hand on Memphis the entire time. Memphis was so good (as always). I was flustered because Sam was flustered, and what should have been a nice little lunch date during the week was the worst trip to Culver's.

I remembered that commercial. In my head I was thinking these things:

Stop. Stop feeling uncomfortable, Cathrine...be grateful you had time during the week to meet Sam for lunch.

Stop thinking that everyone is watching you because your husband has a service dog.

Breathe. Everything is going to be alright. One "bad" lunch experience is not going to ruin your day.

Breathe because if there's too much negative energy spilling over from me, that could be bad for Sam.

Smile...you are a lucky girl, you got to have lunch with your husband, and you went to a new place (okay, not really new, but new to our area).

Smile because no matter how hectic and chaotic that experience was, today is still a good day.

The holidays are joyous for some, and a struggle for others. While the holiday season is suppose to be one filled with joy, love, family, friends, there was a brief moment that I didn't feel those things today over lunch. Lunch was a struggle. All I had to do was stop, breathe, and smile.

Sam texted and apologized for being so uncomfortable...that made me tear up because he knew it was going to be a tough situation, but we did it---we stuck it out. It was crowded, people were everywhere, and people were watching every table just incase someone finished eating and a spot was open.

Memphis wasn't uncomfortable. He was making sure Sam was okay. Memphis wasn't upset it was crowded. He was right beside Sam. Memphis didn't even notice all the people, or those who took an interest in him. He was focused, he was doing his job.

I wish I could have an attitude like Memphis at times...

In the upcoming days, I hope that you can take some time to stop, breathe, and smile. Even if you have a bad lunch experience, you wake up late, you have too many presents to wrap, or even if you still have shopping to finish--stop, breathe, smile.

Be Kind.

During the hustle and bustle of the morning, I always say to the kids (as we are leaving for school/work) "have a good day, I love you,  don't forget to mind your manners and be kind!" It may seem redundant or get old to them, but every morning we try to stick to our routine and every morning those words are said in the car.

Sometimes it is hard to be kind. We may have a bad day, someone may do something that irritates us (driving slow in the left lane, no turn signal, taking a parking spot we wanted), sometimes the phrase "when it rains, it pours" may even come to mind if you are having "one of those days," and it is just too much to be kind.

We have had a lot of people who have been very kind to us since Sam was paired with Memphis. In an earlier post, I mentioned the wonderful folks of Rotary District 6510. We had a random stranger pay for our meal one evening at Cracker Barrel. We've had people come up to us and thank Sam for his service and say, "God bless you."

Did you know that simply by being kind you can make the difference in the life of anyone you encounter, and even in the life of a Veteran?

I saw something yesterday on Facebook that brought tears to my eyes--well, two things now that I think about it.

The first: Gateway Warrior Foundation raised and donated $50,000 to This Able Veteran to sponsor TWO veteran/service dog teams. That gives me goosebumps. They have been such a blessing to many families, and to TAV. Through their support and donations, two Veterans will have an opportunity to fully live life and experience the joys of having a canine companion for life.

The second: Mrs. Maze's first grade class at Tri-C Elementary made over 175 buddy bags for Veteran patients at the Marion VA. I think the other first grade classes were involved, but that made my heart swell. Such a sweet gesture, and I'm so proud to know many of those teachers.

These two simple acts of kindness, love, and appreciation are just what we need in this world.

I will never be able to say "thank you" enough to the folks who helped raise money and donate the funding to sponsor Memphis. Simple acts of kindness, love, and appreciation once again...they have helped change the life of a Veteran that I love very much. They have helped Sam become comfortable in this world, in his job, and day to day life. These folks have also helped our family--we can go out together as a family, we know if Sam is feeling stressed or anxious, Memphis is there to support him. These people help Veterans battling PTSD.

This blog is a glimpse into our lives...and my hope is that by reading and sharing, maybe it reaches someone who needs some kindness and love. Maybe it reaches a family who has a loved one that struggles with PTSD. Maybe it reaches someone who has questions about a service dog, or knows someone that could benefit from learning about TAV's program and what their service dogs do.

Last night I talked with some people who care deeply for our Veterans, and who are supporters of This Able Veteran. I just kept thinking about how much I appreciate all of the support, love, kindness, and generosity we have received from people who are connected to this organization. It brings tears to my eyes...in a good way. Because it warms my heart knowing there are so many people who are willing to give up their time to support this mission of helping Veterans. There are people who don't even know much about TAV, or the reach this program has, and I hope that through conversation, this blog, and seeing TAV service dogs out and about, people can get a better understanding of what these service dogs do, and how these Veterans are living life with them.

So many people have been so kind..

A friend of mine recently lost his father. I was so moved by a post he made regarding his father on social media. He said, "please do something kind for someone else in his memory." Now, I never met his father, but from various posts on social media, and his blog, I do know his father was a kind, genuine man. Someone with a megawatt smile. Someone who never met a stranger and made people feel as if he'd known them for years. Someone who was kind...

If you are struggling this holiday season, especially with being kind, may I offer this advice? No matter how dark your days may seem, there is always, always something to be thankful for. This week has been rough with finals and work for Sam, finals for me, and the hustle and bustle of the week before Christmas break for our kids. We've been tired. We've been cranky. And, at times, we haven't been kind. But, we have one another. We have a roof over our heads, and warm beds to sleep in. We are thankful for so much. We had laughs this morning during our "morning routine," and there was a lot of love and kindness that filled our home.

Try to reach out and do something kind for someone today, tomorrow, next week...whether that's pay for someone's coffee while you are standing in line at Starbucks, offering to pay for a family's meal, leaving a simple note of gratitude for someone: be kind. You never know what kind of day a person may be having, so be kind. Everyone you meet may be fighting a battle you know nothing about. Someone may have lost a loved one, someone may not be a fan of the holidays...but even if you don't know the struggle you can always be kind.

So many people have been kind to our family...strangers, people we may never meet, people we know, and I am so thankful for every single person. Even if they don't know us, their devotion to helping Veterans has helped my family, and they gave us hope. I am so thankful for the kindness of the people at This Able Veteran. The work that you all do is simply amazing and life changing.  You have my heartfelt gratitude for the blessing you have given Sam and our family: Memphis.